[Avodah] Tamar and Yehudah - The Missing Markers

[Zvi Lampel]

On Tue, Dec 27, 2022 at 8:08 PM Rabbi Meir G. Rabi <meirabi at gmail.com>
wrote:

> Thank you Rabbi Lampel.
>
> Indeed there is a Medrash that Tamar could not locate Yehudah's passport
> and drivers licence.
>

That's funny. And it provokes the need to determine a factor that I think
is essential to the account. Could Tamar use the signet, etc., to prove her
story to the Bes Din, or were they only usable to prove her story to
Yehudah?

If they were like his passport and driver's license, then Yehudah could not
deny they are his, and she could credibly threaten to publicly expose him
by producing them. On the other hand, he may invent another explanation as
to why Tamar has them. Or, he may bank on her resisting publicly
embarrassing him.

If they were only usable to convince Yehudah that he is the one who
impregnated Tamar, then Tamar could only rely on his integrity to call off
her serayfa.

Two sources take the case to be the latter.

Maharam Shif questions how the Gemara learns from Tamar the preference of
throwing oneself into a fiery furnace to publicly embarrassing someone. He
notes that Tamar had nothing to gain by publicly accusing Yehudah,
because he could simply deny the charge.

Rabbi  Y. Herczeg sent me a piece from Yalkut HaMachiri on Mishlei 28:14,
which praises Yehuda for overcoming his yetser hara in response to Tamar's
plea to him to publicly admit his actions, "haker na," taken in the sense
of being aware of the Creator. (The terminology is, Haker es Bora-a-cha
v-al tisbayeish mibasar v-dam. I'm not sure of the meaning of the phrase
v-al tisbayeish mi-basar v-dam. Do not allow yourself to be embarrassed?
Overcome your embarrassment? Do what is right despite the embarrassment?)

Both sources understand that it was very hard for Yehudah to admit his role
in the events. The Yalkut HaMachiri states that as a reward for doing so,
he saved his sons from death!



> She only found them when she was already obviously with child for all to
> see and be humiliated and condemned.... it suggests that her strategy was
> to do exactly as we asked, to prove to Y, early on, that he was the father,
> or at least that he had been with her, and from there to be married to
> Sheilo and thus all remains dignified.
>
Yes.

> This makes sense. otherwise she was putting herself in danger as she
> likely knew the consequence of being discovered to be with child out of
> wedlock. Unless we assert that she thought it was highly unlikely that she
> would be from that event, as Chazal say women do not fall pregnant on the
> first.
>
Yes.

>
> Neverthelss, our Q remains - Why did she not send Y a message as soon as
> she realised she was with child, even without the actual evidence, she
> could describe when they met, where they met, what he promised to give her,
> and what he left as a security and either disclose she is with child or
> not,
>

The Abarbanel points out some more relevant factors that emerge from the
pesukim that may help explain.

Yehudah thought his two previous sons had died innocently, as a result of
intimacy with Tamar, and that Tamar did not get pregnant from them because
of a flaw in her biology. That is why he kept Sheilah away from her. She
knew better, but either would not let Yehudah know the truth, or he didn't
believe it.

I am now suggesting that it follows that for her to tell Yehudah before she
got noticeably pregnant that she tricked him into intimacy with her
would destroy their relationship. He would think that she was in effect
killing him. When she did become noticeably pregnant months later, and
presented him the evidence that she was intimate with him, he realized that
he was wrong on both counts. She could become pregnant, and intimacy with
her was not a fatal affair. So she had to wait until she was noticeably
pregnant before telling him. Unfortunately, she was not quick enough,
others noticed her pregnant state and assumed it was due to her being
intimate with a non-yibum candidate, and they told Yehudah who thought the
same and sentenced her.

Rather than telling him explicitly that she was pregnant from him, using
lashon nekiah she messaged him that the owner of the signet, etc. is the
one who impregnated her. It was now up to him to save her life and face the
embarrassment of being wrong about her and his sons. He indeed overcame the
strong yetzer hara to be silent, and admitted Tsadkah mimeni. (He might
have said this to whoever she sent with the items to Yehudah, and Yehudah
may then have simply reported to the Beis Din that upon investigation
Tamar's pregnancy was not caused through any illegitimate act on her part,
or explicitly that it was through him and one hundred percent kosher. I
would lean towards the latter, because otherwise there would be the
question of who then married Tamar, and who is the father of her children.)

probably yes in order to make Y realise that a decision must be made ASAP
> if they wish to remain dignified.
>

A decision by Yehudah to cover up his failure to have either Sheilah or
himself perform yibum withTamar, due to his mistakes about Tamar and about
his sons (keep in mind that this was Yehuda's shame, not his apparent
engagement with a prostitute) would indeed strip Tamar of her dignity and
life, but it would leave his own public image unscathed. Apparently, that
yetzer hara to not admit to his mistakes and failure was very, very,
strong.

>
> Could you please explain your comment, word would get out - she would
> have been able to tell Yehuda he accomplished the yibum, //word would get
> out//, and all would be fine.
> Would it not be preferable that word NOT get out?
>

I meant word would get out that her pregnancy was due to Yehudah, and that
it was a matter of yibum, and kosher, and he did a mitzva (albeit without
kavanah) and she did not have relations with an outsider.

Zvi Lampel
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