[Avodah] aveilut for an abuser

[Micha Berger via Avodah]

On Mon, Aug 29, 2016 at 09:51:20PM +0000, Harry Maryles wrote:
: My son had a classmate (and good friend) in high school whose father
: murdered his mother when he was a young child. His father went to jail. He
: was raised by his grandmother and never spoke to his father again. When
: his father died, he did not sit Shiva and and was not Noheg Aveilus
: at all.

: Was he right?

In the Hakira article RJR pointed RJBW first discusses aveilus.
He dismisses the emotional state of the aveil as a factor in the
chiyuv. Citing RYBS as saying halakhah demands a full emotional control
that may oftimes not actually be real. However, in the case where the
aveilus would be traumatic to the victim, that chiyuv may be overridden.

He also discusses aveilus for sinners -- porshim midrakhei tzibur (the
Rambam's case), habitual sinners. The SA and Mordekhai say we do morn
the occasional sinner, if acting letei'avon.

But then moving on to the chiyuv of kavod, kibud av is not haqaras
hatov. Famously, it is on the first luach because it's really a mitzvah
BALM; how one treats the two partners in his birth whom he can see,
impacts the kavod he gives the Third Partner whom he cannot.

http://www.hakirah.org/Vol%209%20Wolowelsky.pdf

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             It's never too late
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Fax: (270) 514-1507                      - George Eliot