[Avodah] rights of adopted parents

Eli Turkel via Avodah avodah at lists.aishdas.org
Tue May 24 03:14:29 PDT 2016


> Yes, an adoptive child in chayav in haqaras hatov and kavod harav.

> But on what grounds does R' Zilberstein argue that the specific mitzvos
> of kabeid es avikha or ish imo ve'aviv tira'u apply?

I am answering for R Zilberstein so take my words with a grain of salt.
First the thrust of the shiur was on the rights of the adopted parents and
not on the mitzva of kibud av ve-em. He thus stressed that the adoptive
parents have a right to all decisions (apitropus) on the child and not
the genetic parents.
In particular they make all the decisions concerning education etc
including the wedding.

As part of the argument he mentioned the zecher shlomo (and chida)
that Avraham owed no kibud to Terach once he handed him over to Nimrod.
Thus kibud av disappered (pakah) once Terach abandonded Avraham.

Since it was not the topic of the shiur he did not discuss if the mitzvah
to honor the adoptive parent was mi-deoraitam derabban or something else.
I brought from Rav Melamed that it is "only" because of hakarat hatov
but he stressed
In a certain sense, the moral obligation of an adopted child is even
greater, since human nature is for parents to care for and raise their
children

Of course if the adoptive parents are abusive there is certainly
no requirement of kibud or hakarat hatov.

> Similarly the abusive parent. There is no haqaras hatov, but isn't there
> still kibud av va'eim? I have a friend who was told by R' Reuven Feinstein
> that he had to sit shiv'ah for his abusive father. >>

I again refer to YD 240:18 where the Ramah states that there is no mitzva
of kibud av ve-am when the parent is a rasha.
I also explicitly brought from R Zilberstein that the halachot of
mourning are different and that one is required to sit shiva and say
kaddish for a parent who is a rasha including one who abandonded the
child and presumably an abusive parent.

I also brought from Rav Schachter (second hand) that if sitting shiva for
an abusive parent would present psychological problems than the child is
not required to sit shiva. I would personally explain RHS that strong
psychological pain can be pikuach nefesh and overrides shiva and kaddish
which are only derabbanan

> I thought kibud av va'eim had to do with who physically brought you to
> the planet, and thus your behavior toward them represents how you would
> treat the Third Partner in bringing you into being.

again look at YD 240:18 with Shach, Taz, Pitchei Teshuva etc

-- 
Eli Turkel



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