[Avodah] In revolutionary ruling, rabbis allow gender selection
micha at aishdas.org
Wed Jan 2 13:05:24 PST 2013
On Wed, Jan 02, 2013 at 02:00:09PM -0500, Prof. Levine wrote:
> It seems to me that not being satisfied with what HaShem has given you,
> whether a boy or a girl, flies in the face of accepting the will of
> HaShem and being thankful for his "gift."
Related is the question of what berakhah to make when one has a newborn
baby with Downs.
R. David Sedley (CC-ed) posted a teshuvah by R Shlomo Aviner that a parent
in such a situation should say shehechiyahu AND Dayan haEmes -- since
both emotions are present.
Someone then asked a followup question because they were and are happy,
and saw no reason to say Dayan haEmes. RSA says that one goes by the
usual reaction, which would be to feel both.
He also mentions that RYSElyashiv would have parents who do not feel any joy
do not say Shehechiyanu. I'm not sure how this buttreses his point. I
would think RYSE's pesaq shows that one goes by the individual making
the berakhah, not the norm.
R' Sedley provides a relevent link to the pages in Toras HaYoledes (R
Zilberstein) with RYSE and R Scheinberg's teshuvos
They do not mention shehechiyanu, only Dayan haEmes. Also, RDS notes
that the Rama says we aren't nohagim to say shehechiyahu anyway.
R Sedley wrote (and I reinforced in a comment based on experience) that
Dayan haEmes reinforces the negative spin to the experience which could
have severe impact to how the child is raised. Doubly so if said as
the only berakhah!
Do Sepharadim say shehechiyanu upon birth of a child?
Back to the point, the post ends with a citation of the Beiur Halakhah
(222:2 "Dayan haEmes"). One only says Dayan haEmes on something you had
and was ruined or lost. But if one don't get what one really wanted and
expected (eg the father of 7 daughters who didn't get the son he was
hoping for) DhE is not said. So it would seem the CC wouldn't have you
say DhE in this situation either.
Micha Berger The trick is learning to be passionate in one's
micha at aishdas.org ideals, but compassionate to one's peers.
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