[Avodah] Periods of aveilut

[Zev Sero]

On 15/06/2012 1:00 PM, Lengelhart at Yahoo.com wrote:
> I don't mean to sound callous, but why have legislated periods of mourning for any relative.
> One the one hand, I can understand an "expiration" time so one does not permanently wallow in the sadness of death, but that can't be legislated, anyway.  If someone will be clinically depressed the expiration of a mourning period won't make a difference.

As others have said, I think the laws are designed for the exact
opposite case, where one isn't sorry the relative is dead, and left
to ones own devices one would throw a party rather than sit shiva.
So out of respect the halacha requires one to at least pretend to be
sorry; and for a parent kibud av va'em requires one to put on a show
of being sorry.  I see hilchos aveilus as a sort of guide to faking
sorrow: this is how a person who really was mourning would behave,
so you must behave this way even if you're not.

PS: I know two people (one not Jewish, one Jewish but not observant)
whose reaction to a parent's death was exactly what I think these
halachos are designed to prevent.  One announced "I just heard that my
mother died, and all I am feeling is relief that I no longer need to
worry that she'll find out where I live and show up on my doorstep".
Another announced "This is to let people know that my father has died.
Any condolences should be sent to my mother; none are needed here."

-- 
Zev Sero        "Natural resources are not finite in any meaningful
zev at sero.name    economic sense, mind-boggling though this assertion
                  may be. The stocks of them are not fixed but rather
		 are expanding through human ingenuity."
		                            - Julian Simon