[Avodah] Periods of aveilut

[Lengelhart@Yahoo.com]

I don't mean to sound callous, but why have legislated periods of mourning for any relative.
One the one hand, I can understand an "expiration" time so one does not permanently wallow in the sadness of death, but that can't be legislated, anyway.  If someone will be clinically depressed the expiration of a mourning period won't make a difference.

When one has a chronically sick parent, who they have lovingly and honorably tendered prior to death, I would suggest that much of the "mourning" may have been done in advance, as their abilities waned.  What positive effect does refraining from attending a wedding, or concert, ten months later provide to anyone?

Regarding the prescribed periods for siblings and spouses - it seems to me that the "organic" mourning process will be determined by the nature of the relationship.  That might even extend to non-official mourning for grand-parents, uncles & aunts, or (I hesitate to include) a beloved family pet who loved, and was loved, as if a member of the family.

In considering these factors, it is important to discriminate between objective and subjective, conditioning.  For example, we disdain the use of music during a funeral.  My uncle, who received refuge in this country during WWII, specifically asked that the national anthem be played at his funeral.  It fit.  I have attended funerals of employees in churches where music was an important (and moving) part of the ceremony.  It was alien to me, but comforting to those used to it.  

I guess my point is that if we really want to understand and make sense of the cultural rules we have, it might be interesting to start with a "values neutral" position and then consider what each halacha adds to the mix.

Larry 

Larry Engelhart
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