[Avodah] Fw: levayah minhagim

[Prof. Aryeh A. Frimer]

    In the United States, the general custom I observed at religious funerals was to have all family members (male and female) go through the shura together which was made up of men and women. At my first funeral in Israel ca 1974, I noted that the Chevra Kadisha instructed only the men to make a shura for only the male mourners.  I asked the head of the Chevra Kadisha and he indicated that that's what is found in Rav Tackatchinsky's Gesher haChaim.  Indeed, Rav Tuckachinsky indicates that that was Minhag Eretz Yisrael, but he also notes that women don't go to Funerals at all (Based on a Zohar in Pekudai the the Satan is Meraked).  Needless to say, the women mourners of our Anglo Saxon community in Rehovot were very hurt and offended, especially since all knew that the Minhag in the Galut was otherwise.
    I then consulted with Rav Simcha Kook, Chief rabbi of Rehovot. On the one hand, he didn't want to contravene the Minhag of the Chevra Kadisha; on the other hand, he understood that the women needed the communal Nihum Aveilum.  We agreed that the men would make a shura for the men and the women for the women.  It took a few times for me to teach the women of our community what to do and what to say, but it now occurs without my intervention.  When someone is buried at Eretz haChaim Cemetery near Beit Shemesh, the same happens. The head of the Chevra Kaddisha makes his announcement (Men for men), and  - if the family wants it - we make sure there is women's shura for the women. At Eretz haChaim Cemetery they also don't have women Eulogizing. I spoke openly with the head of the Chevra Kaddisha and he indicated that after they leave, "we can do as we like."  So I arrange for the women to speak at the kever then.
    As far as keriah is concerned, women are Hayyavot just like men. In Eretz Yisrael, one of the women (often from the Chevra Kaddisha) helps the aveilot with the keriah and berakha, as do the men for the men.

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Dr. Aryeh A. Frimer
Chemistry Dept., Bar-Ilan University
Ramat Gan 52900, ISRAEL
E-mail: FrimeA at mail.biu.ac.il


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