[Avodah] troubling halacha

[Eli Turkel]

<< According to RYBS and others, the purpose of
aveilus is to give a constructive means of channeling the emotions of
mourning.
One might say that there is little machloqes. RYBS might hold that aveilus
is catharsis, and the kibud av va'eim is in not downplaying the loss.>>

According to this one should certainly tell an avel about his loss so that
he can experience this catharsis. That is why aveilim are so upset when
they are not told and cannot sit shiva with the family

<<Thought experiment - someone knows that a close relative is ill
and unlikely to make it past the next month. He goes to a remote island
and instructs that no one contact him.  He returns 3 months later and
gets the shmua rechoka that his relative had died 2 months prior.  He
mourns as a shmua rechoka.  Has he done anything wrong? anything not
preferred?>>

Her has done absolutely nothing wrong which is the basis of R. Zilberstein's
psak (and the KSA). The question is what if he is not on an island but
in another
country and would prefer sitting shiva. Why hide the information and
aggravate the
person just not to be the bearer of bad news.
As others have pointed out the situation has changed with the introduction of
modern communication methods and so the relative on the remote island is
not relevant to real life


-- 
Eli Turkel