[Avodah] Kiddushin and Nisuin

Akiva Miller akivagmiller at gmail.com
Thu Sep 18 06:51:27 PDT 2025


.
R' Aryeh Frimer suggested that "eirusin and nissuin were placed
back-to-back because of the Crusades", and R' Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer
commented:

> This makes a lot of sense. The paucity of tangible records
> of the evolution of the practice remains remarkable.

I'm not sure, but I think RYGB is pointing out that we do have records
regarding the evolution of most *other* practices. In other words, most
other practices are first recorded as a "yesh omrim" or "nahagu..." or
something similar, whereas in this case, it seems that *everyone* did it
the old way, and then *everyone* did it the new way, with no evidence of
(as RYGB put it) "evolution".

I'd like to suggest that Heseba might be another example of this. It seems
that there was a universal style of eating meals which involved
individuals, each with their own recliner-couch and small table, and this
style was replaced with all those individuals seated on chairs around a
common table. This is mentioned in halacha most notably regarding the
Pesach Seder, but I vaguely recall it being relevant to Mezuman, and also
to the rules of saying Hatov V'Hamaytiv on wine. Maybe somewhere in Hilchos
Aveilus too.

In any case, I am not aware of anyone ever writing that "They still recline
on their couches, but we sit at a table."  Rather, there seems to be a
unanimous observation that "People *used to* recline on their couches, but
nowadays *everyone* sits at a table."

Over the years, I have noticed other changes of this sort, but of course I
cannot remember them right now. These are cases where the minhag changed in
one of two ways: (A) The change happened so slowly - nay, insidiously! -
that no one noticed until it was a fait accompli. (B) The change happened
so quickly, and for reasons that were so obvious to those who lived through
it, that they didn't bother recording their experiences.

If RAF is correct about blaming Kiddushin/Nisuin on the Crusades, then it
would be an example of B. The evolution of Heseba is a mystery to me. I
hope others may find other examples from which we might find a pattern.

Akiva Miller
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