[Avodah] Can You Tell What Kind of Adult A Child Will Become?

[Cantor Wolberg]

The four sons of the Pesach Seder leads to an interesting question:  Can you tell what a child will be like judging from his/her behavior as a child?  The Talmud relates the following story about two of our greatest sages when they were but boys:
 
A child younger than 13 years old who knows to whom the benediction is addressed (i.e., God) may be counted for zimmun (the invitation to say grace after meals).  When Abaye and Rava were boys, once they were sitting before Rabbah.  Said Rabbah to them: To Whom do we address the benedictions?
 
They both replied:  To the All Merciful.
And where does the All Merciful abide? Rabba asked.
 
Rava pointed to the roof; Abaye wentbecome Rabbis. What’s interesting is the pointing to the ceiling and to the sky of the two children. This is a very childlike conception of God. It would have been amazing if one or both, encircled their hands around the room, signifying God is everywhere, or better still pointed to each other's hearts, signifying God is with in us, or pointing to all of the people present signifying we are all made in His image. But they may have heard many an utterance, begin or end with, 'for the sake of Heaven.'
 
This accords with the popular saying, "Every pumpkin can be told from its stalk.” (B.
 
It appears that 'back then', one's that he ate or drank too much, he may as well be killed, while still a child, as there was no hope for him. The Talmudic rabbis did not believe this.  On the other hand, we have the story of the redemption and change of Yaakov the usurper, into Israel the God wrestler.
 
The truth of the matter is:  
If we as parents or teachers, deem a child to be a future scholar, and treat him like such, chances are he will be. Conversely, if a child is not doing so well, and we deem him to a life of a tanner (one of the Talmud's not so likeable professions), he will most likely grow to be one as well. [Self-fulfilling prophecies]. 
 
So for every child who we can say, ah, he was a brilliant kid and now he is a brilliant scholar, there is one who we could also say, he was not such a bright kid, but look at him now. 
 
Better we don't 'judge' children but give all positive re-enforcement and chances to succeed. As Abaye later went on to teach :"What is heard from a child's mouth is merely a repetition of what he has heard from his parents" (Sukkah 56b)
 
I must say that in my life experience sometimes the worst behaved children and teenagers turn out to be the best behaved adults.  One of the joys of being a religious leader is to see misbehaved children and teens take their place as community leaders.
 
So how did these two kids turn out? Abaye, the one who pointed to the sky, was  a great Sage in Babylon, and spent his adult life debating Rava, told in the "Havayot d'Abaye ve'Rava." But aside from his wisdom, and great scholarship, most notably in Tractate Sanhedrin, he was most known for his piety and loving of peace, urging his Talmidim to  "Be mild in speech; suppress your wrath; and maintain good-will in relationships with your relatives as well as with friends – and even with strangers in the market-place."(Berachot 17a)
 
So just as Laurel needed his Hardy, as Dean Martin needed his Jerry Lewis, as Regis needed his Cathy, so Rava needed his Abaye. In the 100’s of debates recorded in the Talmud, Rava's opinion came out on top, except for six. But when the Rosh Yeshiva of Pumbedita retired, Abaye became the new head of the academy, and Rava moved to start his own. Rava also firmly believed in ethics, and his quote of  "When one is brought for his Heavenly Judgment, the first question he is asked is: 'Did you deal honestly with your fellow human beings?...(and not did you keep kashrut or Shabbat?)" (Shabbat 31a) is one of my favorite verses in the Talmud.
 
Discussion Questions:
1.    Can "every pumpkin be told from its stalk"?  Or can children turn out to be quite different as adults?
2.    What do you make of how the two boys indicated God's
location?  Does it have any significance?