[Avodah] nichum aveilim

[Micha Berger]

On Wed, Jan 23, 2019 at 02:38:33AM +0000, Rich, Joel via Avodah wrote:
: When one is physically distant from a friend who is sitting shiva, as
: a general rule, is it better to (pick one) call, text, or email during
: the shiva period? Or, is it better to wait until you actually see the
: person again?

How would that phone call (human touch /has/ to be best) make that seeing them again less likely or later? I don't see where the either-or begins.

As for the question of whether one can be yotzei with the phone call, see IM OC 4:40:11 and Yabia Omer YD 10:48.

RMF holds that nichum aveilim includes 2 things: (1) to help the aveilim
talk things out and give them nechama, (2) letovas hmeis. (The latter
is why a minyan comes to sit in the home of someone who r"l passed away
without aveilim.) Still, even though it's only an impefect fulfillment
of #1 to call, if that's the best you can do, YEISH ALAV CHIYUV to do
what he can, and yeish lo to be menacheim by telephone.

(I kept "yeish alav chiyuv" and "yeish lo" to minimize distorting his
nuance.)

As far as I can tell, and learning YO really takes practice I don't have,
ROY holds that there is no nichum aveilim by phone, but it is lehachayos
ruach shefalim, and a mitzvah to do.

But not as strong as RMF obligating the phone call. I could see ROY
saying you're closer to qiyum with the visit. Whereas I could still see
RMF saying the visit is too late to help the meis, though, and therefore
not qualitatively different than the phone call. So don't wait!

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             Like a bird, man can reach undreamed-of
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