[Avodah] Why is it customary for women and not men to light the Shabbos candles?

[Akiva Miller via Avodah]

.

I wrote:

> In simple terms: If a woman has the role of homemaker, then
> lighting the lights is part of that!

and R' Yitzchok Levine asked:

> Am I to deduce from this that if the man has the role of
> homemaker, then he should light the Shabbos candles?
> ...
> Given that roles today are much different than they were in
> the past, does this mean that who lights the Shabbos candles
> should be shared, one week the man and one week the women. (I
> am simply playing the devil's advocate here.)

The Shulchan Aruch that I cited (263:3) did not make any reference to
Chava, only to women's traditional role in the home. If a family has
non-traditional roles, I think they should carefully examine the
side-effects of this, and at least consider the re-assigning of who
lights the candles. To avoid this topic is to stick one's head in the
sand. "We've always done it this way" is often counter-productive.

I have heard of some families (younger than mine) where the husband
recites kiddush for everyone, and the wife recites hamotzi. I am not
advocating this, but I *am* saying that if one wants to reject it, he
should come up with a better reason than it being non-traditional. For
example, if non-family are present, some might consider this
non-tzniyus.

But in every case, we should all acknowledge that this is not like
Shofar or Kriyas Hatorah: When it comes to Kiddush, Hamotzi, and
Neros, the chiyuv upon men and women is absolutely equal, and in
theory there is no impediment to either being motzi the other.

> Do you know of anyone who lights the Chanukah neiros (which
> are usually oil with wicks), puts them out and then lights
> with the brochos?  I have never heard of this. If there is
> no problem with Chanukah neiros, then why is there a problem
> with Shabbos neiros?

As I see it, the only "problem" with a brand-new oil wick it that
takes some time for the fire to "catch". I don't see this as a real
halachic problem with constituting a hefsek between the bracha and the
lighting; it is more of a practical problem of the bother and effort,
but mostly the time delay in a close-to-Shabbos situation, and that
does not apply to Chanukah.

My personal practice is that on the first night of Chanuka, after the
wicks have become messily soaked with oil, I squeeze the oil out of
the tip, and separate the threads from each other. This makes them
much easier to light. On subsequent nights, I do *not* replace the
wicks. Instead, I pull the wick up a bit so that I do indeed have a
pre-lit tip for lighting. The new ner for the night is last night's
shamash. And the new shamash for tonight will be a new wick, with the
oil squeezed and threads separated. (Ditto for when there is no more
wick to pull up and it needs to be replaced.)

Akiva Miller