[Avodah] Rabbi Mazuz bashes 'yichud room' wedding custom

Akiva Miller via Avodah avodah at lists.aishdas.org
Fri Sep 9 03:21:20 PDT 2016


R' Yitzchok Levine posted:

> From http://tinyurl.com/z87vq5c
>
> Rabbi Meir Mazuz, Head of the Kiseh Rachamim Yeshiva, bashed
> the practice of "yichud room" common at traditional Jewish
> weddings.
>
> In addition to the problem of imposing Ashkenazi customs on
> Jews of Sephardi heritage, Rabbi Mazuz asserted that there
> as an inherent problem with the notion of "yichud room," in
> that it leads to immodesty. "What happens today is that the
> couple goes into the room, and their friends stand by the
> door. They [taunt them, saying,] 'what's taking you so long?
> Have you been in there [long enough]?' What is this madness?
> Have you gone crazy? This is a disgrace [...] It's forbidden,
> and not acceptable."
>
> "[This implies that] the sages of Morocco don't know how to
> learn, the sages of Babylonia don't know how to learn, the
> sages of Tunis don't know how to learn, only the Ashkenazim
> know how to learn? On the contrary: We know no less; we need
> to not have "yichud room." Furthermore: We need to write on
> the wedding invitations, 'there will be no "yichud room.'
> Whoever is not comfortable with that doesn't have to come."
>
> Therefore, Rabbi Mazuz concluded: "It is a divine command to
> cancel this custom. May it not be remembered or invoked ever.
> Even among Ashkenazim."

When I read this, I was so surprised and confused that I immediately
realized that this is surely a case of bad reporting (that what has been
posted must be wildly different from what Rabbi Mazuz actually said),
possibly combined with exaggerated rhetoric (that what Rabbi Mazuz actually
said must be more extreme than what he actually meant).

So I clicked on the link, and lo and behold, this article is on Arutz
Sheva, and the main or only source is what appeared on Kikar Shabbat. (A
game of "telephone", anyone?)

No link to the Kikar Shabbat article is provided, so I don't know how it
appeared there, but I'd like to illustrate how this story differs in the
Arutz Sheva version vs. the exceprts that RYL posted here.

In RYL's excerpt, the first problem cited is that the yichud room "leads to
immodesty". But it should be clear to anyone, even from this excerpt, that
even Rabbi Mazuz's complaint is NOT about <<< an inherent problem with the
notion of the "yichud room," >>> but rather the problem is the actions of
the "friends" who are outside. THAT is what is "forbidden, and not
acceptable", not the yichud room itself.

And if I am correct, then is it really so difficult for him or others to
stand by the yichud room door and chase the "friends" away? I know that
there are many situations where bochurim will act differently than their
teachers want, but this seems to be something that can be policed rather
easily.

The second problem in RYL's excerpt relates to the sages of Morocco and
Babylonia, vs the Ashkenazim. But in Arutz Sheva, this is near the
*beginning* of the article, in a paragraph that RYL skipped. And my
understanding of that paragraph -- I'm not going to quote it, as I'd prefer
you click the link and read it yourself -- is that Rabbi Mazuz's complaint
is not at all about the yichud room per se, but about improper mixing of
Ashkenazi and Sephardi practices.

Some posters here have pointed out that there is a legitimate difference
between the groups about the halachic requirements and implementations of
"chupah", "nisuin", and "yichud". From the Arutz Sheva article, it seems
that Rabbi Mazuz would accept the idea of a yichud room at an Ashkenazi
wedding (if not for the actions of the "friends"). What bothers him is that
Sephardim are adopting the yichud room -- and to the extent that a
*Sefardi* Rosh Yeshiva threatened to boycott a wedding which did not adopt
this practice.

>From the article in Arutz Sheva, it is clear to me that Rabbi Mazuz's main
complaint is the adoption of Ashkenazi practices by Sefardim, and that his
secondary complaint is the actions of the "friends" outside the yichud
room. I can't help but wonder: If some (or many) Sefardim would *choose* to
have a yichud room but without requiring it, AND the "friends" would behave
themselves, how would Rabbi Mazuz feel then?

(I can't help but compare this to other minhagim which grow in crazy
directions over the centuries. Consider the breaking of the glass at the
wedding. Some think that this is the act which effectuates the marriage.
And even among those who know that to be mistaken, the reaction of the
audience is often an increase in joy, rather than the dampening of it.)

Akiva Miller
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://lists.aishdas.org/pipermail/avodah-aishdas.org/attachments/20160909/e3b7f090/attachment-0008.html>


More information about the Avodah mailing list