[Avodah] Mourning an Abusive Parent

[Rabbi Meir G. Rabi via Avodah]

I suggested that Mourning an abusive parent ought to be prohibited since
it violates the Issur of Chanufa...

R Micha responded - An abusive person, definitely. An abusive parent? Not
so sure.

Reb Micha please explain why there might not be an Issur Chanufa when
honouring an abusive parent?

[Email #2.]

Subject: Chanufa re Abusive Parents, R Yona

ShTeShuvah 187
9 categories of Chonef
Someone who recognises [Hikir - though his own observations] or has seen or
knows [through the observations of others]
that a certain person has done bad [Oval BeYad ChaVeiro]
or has supported crooked behaviour [HachZik BeTarmis]
or he has sinned by speaking badly about another Yid
or hurt other peoples feelings [ONoAs Devarim]

and smooths things over by telling him, You have done nothing wrong  .....

188
One is obligated to expose oneself to risk [LeSakana] rather than
transgressing such a sin  ....

189
category 2 - the Chonef who praises the Rasha be it in the presence of the
Rasha or not,
even though he does not defend the evil ..
but simply says he's a good guy

for if this Chonef would not have abandoned Torah
he would not be able to praise one who transgresses it ...
and even though the praise is all utterly true ....

I suppose we must say that those things that we may assume a normal person
would regret - even if they lack the fortitude to do the right thing and
make restitution or apologise to the victim

So why would it not be Chanufa to honour a parent, which is essentially
making a declaration that the parent is a good person, even though the
honouring does not reflect directly upon the abusive nature of that parent?


Best,
Meir G. Rabi