[Avodah] how to fix a mamzer

[Zev Sero via Avodah]

On 05/20/2016 06:02 AM, Eli Turkel via Avodah wrote:
>
> The daughter came to R Zilberstein asking what to do. He answered that
> the mitzvah of kibud av ve-em is a great mitzvah but it doesn't allow for lies.

In other words, her obligation of kibud av va'em is to her real father, not
to the one who raised her, but this obligation doesn't include putting him
on her wedding invitation, for the reason explained later.


> Since the one listed as the father of the bride is the one who brought her
> up and did everything for her including all expenses and he supplies the
> dowry and the rest of the wedding expenses he thus considered the father
> of the bride.

I suspect that this is still a micasting of the original.  I expect that the
original didn't say that he is the *father*, but that he is the host who is
inviting people to the wedding (a role that in *most* cases is played by
the father, but not in this case).


> Since the biological father abandoned the daughter he has no right to
> have his name listed on the invitation.  [...]  the father remarked
> that he was willing to pay the expenses of the wedding. The daughter
> returned to R. Zilberstein. After consulting with R Nissin Karelitz
> they paskened that to be considered the father of the bride he also
> needs to participate in buying an apartment.

Again, the term "to be considered the father" makes no sense here; can
money make someone a father or not a father?!  If he's not the father
how can any amount suddenly make him one, and why are they haggling over
the amount?   Rather the issue here was not at all whether he's the
father.  Of course he is.  The issue here was who is the host who is
making the wedding and inviting people to it.  And that is the person
who is paying, not just for the actual affair, but also the expenses
that enable the affair to happen, i.e. the apartment, without which there
would be no shidduch.

It appears from this psak that if he is willing to pay this the bride and
her adoptive father may not refuse!  And that would be because he is after
all the father, and thus has the *right* to host his daughter's wedding,
if only he is willing to do so.


> R Zilberstein noted that in the ketuba is listed the biological
> father in order to prevent marriage with relatives. When the
> biological father is not alive then one lists the adoptive father but
> when he is alive the biological father is listed.

I'm sure this is misreported; what difference does it make whether the
father is alive or dead, his relatives are the same!  And the fact is
that she is forbidden to his relatives, and *permitted* to her adoptive
father's relatives.  (In fact it used to be common for someone who raised
an orphan to arrange a marrriage for him or her with one of his own children.
I even know of a case nowadays where this happened.)


-- 
Zev Sero               Meaningless combinations of words do not acquire
zev at sero.name          meaning merely by appending them to the two other
                        words `God can'.  Nonsense remains nonsense, even
                        when we talk it about God.   -- C S Lewis