[Avodah] De-Chokifying Arayos (including MZ)
Kenneth Miller via Avodah
avodah at lists.aishdas.org
Tue Aug 4 10:04:47 PDT 2015
: Sex is also an enjoyment of olam hazeh, but I've seen this expressed
: in only two areas: Oneg Shabbos and Chiyuv Onah...
R' Micha Berger asked:
> ... and priya verivya, no?
I was trying to show differences between sex and food. I would say that, in the eyes of Halacha, there is no connection between pirya v'rivya and the olam-hazeh enjoyment of sex, in exactly the same manner that there is no connection between achilas matzah and the olam-hazeh enjoyment of food. The latter is a means of internalizing a historical connection, and the former is a biological imperative, but neither has any connection to olam-hazeh enjoyment.
However, that it not to say that halacha is blind to the fact that sex *IS* enjoyable. This is recognized by the mitzvah of Oneg Shabbos, where if the act is to be done once a week, then Shabbos is receommended. Chiyuv Onah also recognizes that if the wife has a taavah for this particular hanaah, then it is the husband's obligation to satisfy her taavah.
But pirya v'rivya? No, I don't see evidence of that.
: And yet, Orach Chayim 240 *IS* "black-letter halakhah and objective
: rules", is it not?
> Perhaps not. Is OC 1 black-letter halakhah? Is hitting the snooze
> button, or even lying around for a few seconds before getting up,
> actually assur? For that matter, there is a mitzvah to remember
> right vs left when putting on and tying shoes, but do you really
> think someone was oveir an issur if they don't?
I agree that there are degrees of obligation. A simple verb like "yaaseh" clearly implies a smaller obligation than "chayav laasos". "Must" is much stronger than "should". But if a subject makes it into Shulchan Aruch - as these did - that also shows a stronger obligation than something that appears only in Mesilas Yesharim, or even Gemara for that matter.
Yes, I do think that when the alarm clock rings, one has an obligation to seriously consider whether he really *needs* to stay in bed a little longer, or whether he merely *wants* to. And I will admit that - b'shaas maaseh - I rarely consider that as seriously as I should. And that's one of the things I'm trying to improve on. Same thing for tying my shoes - I think that by now I do it correctly by habit, but I'm not really sure, and I'll try to remember to watch myself tomorrow morning.
> Whereas moredes has no parallel because she cannot initiate a gett. And
> for that matter, it has no parallel because he is obligated to support
> here. For that matter, the assymetry in who supports who is quite
> possibly why HQBH set up an assymetric process for gittin. The man who
> obligates himself in support can get of it.
Yes, I agree that this could be part of why Hashem set it up that way. But I find it curious that Chazal set up safeguards to prevent the husband from abusing his powers in these areas, and no corresponding safeguards prevent the wife from abusing hers.
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