[Avodah] Hilchos Aveilus (was Children at a Wedding)

[Micha Berger]

On Mon, Nov 02, 2009 at 10:37:42PM +0000, rabbirichwolpoe at gmail.com wrote:
: But realizing that halachah dictated many parameters gave me a sense
: of solace. I surrendered to the halachos and just did them out of sense
: of filial duty w/o having to weigh the pros and cons
: I was very grateful for halachah p'suqah taking over during a time of
: crisis and confusion

One doesn't need halakhah pesuqah for that. And I am saying this mostly
to assress R Prof YL's comment... Just having a halachic mechanism and
punting to a poseiq rather than going by feel is enough to take the load
off.

At least, in my experience. Aveilus for an infant daughter is different;
it's more about "why me?" than feeling one's debt to a parent or the
loss of everything a brother or older child gave to you. And anyway,
every person is different, of course.

In any case, I just rejected a number of posts that take things further
and further from Avodah, many of which were reiterating previous points.
As mod, it's hard to know when and where to cut a thread. So, at least
check that you're not just reiterating. Of course there will be debate,
as parenting styles (of those children who has to deal with a remarriage)
and emotional responses will differ. But im kein, ein ladavar sof.

I just think enough people find that casting things into the halachic
or minhagic realm is helpful to justify these things. Even if it is not
everyone.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             One doesn't learn mussar to be a tzaddik,
micha at aishdas.org        but to become a tzaddik.
http://www.aishdas.org                         - Rav Yisrael Salanter
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