[Avodah] children at a wedding

[Samuel Svarc]

I think that a parent and child are entirely different in their reaction (in aggregate).

A parent doesn't wish a child bad. The fact that the parent forsees this shidduch as a bad one for the child will cause the parent to daven extra hard at the chuppah that they be wrong. Not so the child. A "tzip in hartz" is a "tzip" regardless.

KT,
MSS 
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-----Original Message-----
From: "kennethgmiller at juno.com" <kennethgmiller at juno.com>
Date: Friday, Oct 30, 2009 5:51 am
Subject: Re: [Avodah] children at a wedding
To: avodah at lists.aishdas.orgReply-To: A High-Level Torah Discussion Group <avodah at lists.aishdas.org>

R'n Toby Katz wrote:
 Children "fashter" the simcha because in their hearts they are
 never wholeheartedly besimcha to see one parent marrying
 another partner, whether the other parent died or was "lost"
 because of divorce.  To see a parent re-marrying causes a
 child tza'ar (even an adult child). The tza'ar the child feels,
 however slight, puts a chill on the simcha.  I  don't want to
 say that a child might cause an ayin hara at his parent's
 wedding but maybe something like that.

On the one hand, despite many posts in this thread, and the several sources offered for this practice, this is the first and (so far) only attempt at explaining the *reasons* behind this practice. And for that I offer my thanks to RTK.

But I still don't understand it.

Are you suggesting that a person should not attend a wedding unless he will be there "wholeheartedly besimcha"?

Would that logic forbid a parent to attend a child's wedding, if the parent is opposed to this shidduch? It sounds like a very similar situation. Suppose the parent had been opposed, and is still opposed, but sees that his protests will be ignored, so he chooses to make peace and attend while attempting to wear a happy face. Should such a parent stay home rather than make the best of an unfortunate situation?

And if this parent's opposition was generally known among family and friends, won't his attendance "put a chill on the simcha" when others see?

I don't see much difference, especially if the parent's opposition was well-founded and truly in the child's interests.

Akiva Miller

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