[Avodah] Vayeishev "Fun kin'ah vert sin'ah. Envy Breeds Hate"

[Richard Wolberg]

And his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, so they hated him, and they could not speak with him peacefully.	 	ד. וַיִּרְאוּ אֶחָיו כִּי אֹתוֹ אָהַב אֲבִיהֶם מִכָּל אֶחָיו וַיִּשְׂנְאוּ אֹתוֹ וְלֹא יָכְלוּ דַּבְּרוֹ לְשָׁלֹם:
and they could not speak with him peacefully:      From what is stated to their discredit, we may learn something to their credit, that they did not say one thing with their mouth and think differently in their heart. [From Gen. Rabbah 84:9]
 	
ולא יכלו דברו לשלום: מתוך גנותם למדנו שבחם, שלא דברו אחת בפה ואחת בלב:
 

I have always maintained that 95% of all parents have a favorite amongst their children. Many cannot admit it to others (or even to themselves), but it is almost human nature to favor one child over another. We know this as teachers that we have our likes and dislikes. However, the wise teacher does his or her best not to show it. I know personally that when I teach a class, I go overboard to be even a bit harder on those whom I favor more. And it doesn't necessarily have to do with one's intelligence but rather it is a certain chemistry that often times may be irrational, objectively speaking.

The Rashi above regarding "...something to their credit, that they did not say one thing with their mouth and think differently in their heart" is quite interesting. We are taught right from the story of Sarah and Avraham that a white law is not only permissible -- but preferable in sparing one's feelings. So for Rashi to compliment the brothers for their brutal honesty is surprising. 

There's a well known Yiddish proverb: "Vos oyf der lung iz oyf der tsung" which literally means "What’s on the lung is on the tongue." This is one of the problems of draconian personalities who brag how they "tell it like it is." Basically, this is not a compliment. It basically means that someone who is impulsive and has little or no control of oneself says whatever is on his mind without thinking or caring of the repercussions of his words and the negative effects it may have on others. In another context, what Rashi is saying would be meritorious. In other words, people should not be duplicitous and insincere. But IMHO, to use the scenario of the brothers "hating" Joseph and speaking ill of him, to their credit, as an example of not being hypocritical seems to be a stretch and an unsatisfactory object lesson.
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