[Avodah] Children at weddings

[Joseph C. Kaplan]

RAB: "I was referring specifically to the minhag of children by their parents
weddings. I don't see anywhere that times have changed WRT this specific minhag."

When I said times have changed, I was thinking of parenting styles.  For example, my parents never took us when we were children (10-13, for example) to a shiva call even if we knew the people sitting shiva very well; we have brought our children and when we sat shiva our friends did the same.  In my experience and that of many of my friends, this was meaningful both to those sitting shiva and the children visiting.  Similarly, we, and many of our friends, are much more open with our children about matters that my parents were much more close-mouthed about; e.g., divorce, sickness and the like.  Still being married to the same woman for almost 40 years I don't have personal experience with second courtships and marriages, but here, too, my perception is that in my group, parents are much more open about these matters with their children that previous generations were.

Now, let me be clear: I'm not saying the style that many in my group have adopted is the better style or it is for everybody.  Rather, AISI, eylu v'eylu really applies here. But that's really my point; this issue (have the children at a second wedding or not) is so personal and so case-by-case , that to have some general minhag is not, IMO, the way to go.  Rather, since, I believe, different people can make different decisions in this area with both decisions being intelligent and appropriate for the particular families and circumstances, why the need for a minhag to tell people what to do? Why can't we simply use common sense?

Joseph Kaplan 


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