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<DIV>RAB: "I was referring specifically to the minhag of children by their
parents<BR>weddings. I don't see anywhere that times have changed WRT this
specific minhag."</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>When I said times have changed, I was thinking of parenting
styles. For example, my parents never took us when we were children
(10-13, for example) to a shiva call even if we knew the people sitting shiva
very well; we have brought our children and when we sat shiva our friends did
the same. In my experience and that of many of my friends, this was
meaningful both to those sitting shiva and the children visiting.
Similarly, we, and many of our friends, are much more open with our
children about matters that my parents were much more close-mouthed about; e.g.,
divorce, sickness and the like. Still being married to the same woman for
almost 40 years I don't have personal experience with second courtships and
marriages, but here, too, my perception is that in my group, parents are much
more open about these matters with their children that previous generations
were.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Now, let me be clear: I'm not saying the style that many in my group
have adopted is the better style or it is for everybody. Rather,
AISI, eylu v'eylu really applies here. But that's really my point; this issue
(have the children at a second wedding or not) is so personal and so
case-by-case , that to have some general minhag is not, IMO, the way to
go. Rather, since, I believe, different people can make different
decisions in this area with both decisions being intelligent and appropriate for
the particular families and circumstances, why the need for a minhag to tell
people what to do? Why can't we simply use common sense?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Joseph Kaplan </DIV>
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