[Avodah] Children at a Wedding

[Joseph C. Kaplan]

I was somewhat behind on my Avodah reading and thus had the opportunity to read the entire thread (to date) about children at a parent's wedding, and my reaction, after reading all the posts was, in typical Jewish fashion, a question: why should there be any minhag at all?  There are so many differing factors that are relevant in trying to do the best thing for both the children and the marrying couple; e.g., the age of the children, the circumstances of the termination of the first marriage, the relationship of the children to the first spouse (if still alive), the relationship of the children to the new spouse and, I'm sure, many other factors that I haven't thought of.  Therefore, since we're talking minhag and not halacha, why should there be any general minhag?  Wouldn't it be better if the decision is based on what best for the members of this particular family?  And why shouldn't that decision be made the way most non-halachic decisions (e.g., should someone take a particular job, move to a particular community, vote for a particular candidate, root for a particular baseball team  -- it is World Series time -- etc.) are made; that is, ask advice from a wise relative, friend or professional (like a rabbi or a psychologist), think carefully about the relevant factors, consider seriously the advice that was given, and then act like an adult and take responsibility and make a decision?

Joseph Kaplan
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