[Avodah] Tzeni'us and gender roles

[kennethgmiller at juno.com]

R' Micha Berger wrote:
> ... Tzeni'us is more about avoiding the spotlight than sexuality.
> Someone may have overriding reasons, such as an ability to
> motivate people. But taking the podium is to my mind is textbook
> a violation of tzeni'us. Whether a woman, a rav giving his
> Shabbos morning derashah, or a chazan. ... A woman shouldn't
> want to be chazan. For that matter, a man shouldn't either,
> which is why we're supposed to decline the first couple of times
> the gabbai asked.

On first reading, I found myself in total agreement. But if so, then what are the gender role differences mentioned in the subject line of this thread?

If I'm not mistaken, Chazal say somewhere that "derech haish lachzor achar haishah", and specifically not the other way around. What I've learned from my Torah teachers is that it is normal for men to be on the outgoing side, and for women to be more inward. And we are not using "normal" here in the sense of it being a common Yetzer Hara (as in "some steal but everyone says lashon hara"). Rather, these traits are normal in the same sense as it is normal for birds to fly and for fish to swim.

(Please don't write back angrily. I know that there are some women who are outgoing, there are some men who are inward, and there are some fish which can fly short distances. I'm speaking here in very general terms.)

My point is that it is not only out of necessity that men take certain public roles, but that it is their nature to do so. I concede that if a man is reluctant to take these public roles, then Chazal praise him, and I also concede that this reluctance will be a kiyum of last week's haftara: "V'hatznea leches im Elokecha."

Nevertheless, I can't help but believe that this tznius is defined differently for men than for women. This is NOT to say that tznius relates only to sexuality. But still, *IF* (and I stress the "if" because I'm not totally sure how I personally feel about it), *IF* we believe that "derech haish lachzor achar haishah" and not the other way around, then there has to be some sort of difference in what tznius is for men and what it is for women.

Perhaps an analogy might be drawn to sewing on Chol Hamoed. As I recall, when a woman sews it is generally of high quality and to be avoided on ChH"M, but a man's sewing is of lower quality and now such a big deal. Similarly, perhaps, when a man speaks in public, in many situations it does not draw an undue amount of attention and therefore is still within tznius. But when a woman speaks in public, in many situations it *does* draw an undue amount of attention, and that is why it is a violation of tznius.

I'd like to suggest that the criterion is this: Tznius is not violated when someone attracts attention, but when he/she attracts an above-average amount of attention.

Akiva Miller

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