[Avodah] Asking mechilah for LH

[Micha Berger]

Among long-timers here on Avodah, the subject of whether one has to
or is not permitted to ask mechilah for LH that the victim doesn't
know about is well known machloqes between RYS and the CC. Here is R'
Hutner's take on the subject.

-micha

: Date: Mon, 31 Aug 2009 08:49:55 +0200
: From: Shabbat BeShabbato <shabbat.beshabbato at gmail.com>
: Subject: Shabbat-B'Shabbato -- Parshat Ki Tavo
: To: dan at zomet.org

:         No 1289: 16 Elul 5769 (5 September 2009)

: RESPONSA FOR OUR TIMES

: Asking Forgiveness for "Lashon Hara" - by Rabbi Re'eim Hacohen, Rosh Yeshiva
: and Chief Rabbi, Otniel

: Question: If somebody speaks "lashon hara" -- slander -- about somebody else,
: who does not know about it, is it necessary to apologize to him? And what is
: the law if the victim does know what was said?

: Answer: To begin, we must first discuss the limits of appeasement when one
: repents any sin between one man and another. It is written in the Mishna,
: "Sins between man and G-d are atoned for by Yom Kippur, sins between one man
: and another are not atoned by Yom Kippur unless one placates his friend..."
: [Yoma 8:7]. The source of this law is a quote by Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaria:
: "You will be purified of all your sins before G-d" [Vayikra 16:30]. This is
: not a straightforward comment, since the simple view of the verse implies
: that all purification (for any sin) stems from G-d and not from other people
: (see Tiferet Yisrael). Evidently Rabbi Elazar interprets the verse to mean
: that one cannot be purified by being "before G-d" unless he has first
: apologized to his friend. This is similar to the statement in the Talmud
: that one cannot bring a sacrifice on a private altar if the Torah describes
: it with the words, "before G-d" (Zevachim 119b).

: Based on this principle, Rabbi Hutner explains in his book Pachad Yitzchak
: why Rabbi Yona writes at the end of Sha'arei Teshuva that on Yom Kippur (as
: opposed to on normal days) one who confesses to his sins before he has
: apologized to his friend must confess a second time after he apologizes. He
: notes that in order to repent on Yom Kippur a person is required to stand up
: before G-d, and if he has not first apologized to his friend the confession
: does not have the status of being "before G-d." This implies that if a
: person has not apologized to his friend he will not even be forgiven for
: sins between man and G-d, since he does not have the proper status of
: standing before G-d.

: Another source for the need to apologize appears in the Mishna: "Even though
: he returns the item he is not forgiven unless he apologizes... And how do we
: know that the friend should not be cruel (and refuse to accept the apology),
: as is written, 'Avraham prayed to G-d, and G-d cured Avimelech' [Bereishit
: 20:17]." [Bava Kama 92a].

: The next thing that we must discuss is exactly what is included in the
: category of sins "between one man and another." The Rambam notes that one
: who damages property belonging to another is not required to repent if he
: pays for the damage (Hilchot Teshuva 2:9; Hilchot Chovel U'Mazik 5:9). On
: the other hand, one who causes physical harm to another person is required
: not only to pay five different categories of payments, he must also ask his
: victim for forgiveness. The principle in the Rambam seems to be that in
: property damage the forgiveness of the injured party is not necessary
: because in that case the only harm is a financial loss, but one who causes
: physical damage (or who robs another person) also causes physical harm and
: shames the person, and this leads to a requirement of forgiveness. (This
: implies that for a case of stealing no forgiveness is necessary, unlike
: robbery which includes physical injury in addition to the financial loss.)

: In view of the above we see that the obligation to apologize is relevant for
: a case of personal suffering but not for financial harm. Thus, if one speaks
: evil about another person who does not know what was said, the victim does
: not suffer personally. The very fact that somebody repents and comes to
: apologize might in fact cause the victim to feel bad, and by apologizing the
: sinner might thus do more harm than good. Thus, according to the Rambam, as
: long as the victim does not know about the slander he has not suffered
: personal harm and the slanderer is not required to apologize.

: In Pachad Yitzchak, Rabbi Hutner quotes from the "elders of the generation"
: in the name of Rabbi Yisrael Salant that in a case when one spreads slander
: about another person who does not know about it but will be upset if he does
: find out, the sinner is not allowed to ask for forgiveness. This is because
: the requirement of forgiveness does not give the sinner permission to make
: his friend suffer. This implies that in principle the sinner should be
: required to ask for forgiveness even if the victim does not know about the
: slander but that he is not allowed to do so, and that this dilemma has no
: solution. On the other hand, based on our analysis above, it would seem that
: there is no need in principle to apologize and to repent, and that the
: sinner can confess to G-d without explicitly apologizing. Rabbi Salant's
: analysis implies that one is forbidden to ask for forgiveness, and since
: this is a situation of doubt one who slandered another person should not
: apologize to his friend.
...
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Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             Nearly all men can stand adversity,
micha at aishdas.org        but if you want to test a man's character,
http://www.aishdas.org   give him power.
Fax: (270) 514-1507                      -Abraham Lincoln