[Avodah] Hating a Fellow Jew

[Meir Rabi]

Following the posting of R Micha Fri, 08 Aug 2008 Subject: Re: [Avodah]
Hating a Meisis to Kefirah, Should be - Hating any Jew; I would like to
offer some elaboration.

Firstly RaMBaM makes it quite clear that if one discloses the hatred so that
it is no longer concealed in ones heart then one has not transgressed the
sin of Lo Sisnah. He says [DeOs 6:5] "anyone who hates a Jew in his heart
transgresses the sin of Lo SisNah...BilVaVeCha. The Torah only prohibits
hatred which is concealed, however one who hits or insults a fellow Jew
although this is not permitted one has not thereby transgressed Lo SisNah."

This reinforced in the Sefer HaMitzvos Lav 302 where he says: "The Sifri
states 'I [Gd] did not define the prohibition unless it is hatred which is
concealed.' However when one discloses that hatred and informs him that he
hates him, one does not transgress this prohibition. Nevertheless he does
transgress the sins of taking revenge, bearing a grudge and the positive
command of loving a fellow Jew. Even when compared to all these sins, the
sin of hating in ones heart is a much more serious sin."

I apologise if my earlier comment was misunderstood to suggest that one does
not transgress ANY sin at all.

The Kesef Mishnah [DeOs 6:5] explains the RaMBaM's source; that hitting or
insulting someone is not permitted. And he also provides a source, the Toras
Cohanim, for the RaMBaM's launch into the peripheral matter regarding other
prohibitions one transgresses when hitting or insulting. The TCohanim says,
"Lest one think that the prohibition of Lo SisNah applies only when cursing,
hitting or slapping a fellow Jew, the passuk therefore says, 'BilVaVeCha' it
is only when the hatred is [concealed] in ones heart."

The Yad HaKeTana DeOs Ch 7 page 206 a&b - a summary.
(1} One who hates a fellow Jew in his heart transgresses ...
(2) The Torah prohibits only hatred that is concealed in ones heart. If
however it is disclosed even through beating or insulting one does not
transgress ....
(3) Hatred in ones heart is a terrible sin. It causes all manner of
destructive consequences.
Lashon Hara, searching for devious means to cause damage, rejoicing in
another's difficulties, bearing grudges and taking revenge. It also leads to
avoidance of many positive Mitzvos.
More importantly it undermines the purpose of the Torah which is to promote
love and brotherhood amongst the Jewish people.
(4) The main feature of hatred in ones heart is when the hatred is not
displayed or communicated at all. Since if the hatred is concealed it will
fester and smoulder and will continue to drive the person to devise methods
and strategies of evil against his enemy. This will drive them further apart
and intensify the hatred. 
However if the hatred is displayed and communicated then eventually the
hatred will abate.
(5) Therefore when one sins against another one must not let that remain
buried in ones heart and remain silent. That is the way of evil people. It
is a Mitzvah to ask "Why did you do this to me? Why have you sinned against
me in this manner?" This is the Torah command of HoCheAch ToChiAch. This is
exceedingly important because it opens avenues for resolving the problem,
either there will be an apology and a request for Mechilah or an
understanding of the true nature of that deed and its justification.
(6) One may choose to remain silent, provided he grants full Mechilah, and
not pursue rebuking the aggressor if the aggressor is exceedingly crude or
his mind is confused. This is an admirable manner of behaviour (Midas
Chassidus) since the Torah prohibits only on one who buries but retains the
hatred in his heart. (Lo Hikpidah T Alo Ul MaMeSatemo)" [This is also in
RaMBaM DeOs6:10]

I have not noticed that any of these Poskim speak of SinAs Chinom. I would
offer "indifference" as an appropriate translation.

I have tried to keep this post limited to a Halachic discussion rather than
attempting to apply Derush to shape the outcome. Within this scope we can
comfortably direct our attention to Rashi's remark about Yosef and his
brothers; they hated him and could not speak peacefully with him. Rashi says
that from this nasty comment in the Torah we can observe the great integrity
of Yosef's brothres, they were not two faced - one persona in the mouth and
a diff persona in their minds. This is how the brothers avoided sinning;
they informed Yosef of their hatred and did not make a fake show of speaking
nicely with him.

Regarding the prohibitions of seeking revenge and bearing a grudge; they too
are permitted against those who have actively harmed either our physical or
our emotional well-being. The prohibitions apply only when we are
reciprocating against someone who has failed to do us a favour. They refuse
for example to lend us money or tools that we may even require with some
urgency.
But someone who actively caused harm and refuses to make restitution and
mollify his victims is a Rasha and we are not forbidden from seeking revenge
or bearing a grudge. It is a Mitzvah to hate a Rasha. We are not to help him
in any way unless his life is in danger.

Rabbenu Yona maintains that we are all instructed as judges are - to fear no
man. We are not permitted to be Chonef evil people reshaim. We may not show
them any form of endorsement even for very noble, generous and altruistic
Midos they display.

This can sometimes make life quite challenging.

Meir