[Avodah] Women at Funerals

[Joseph C. Kaplan]

In response to my question about not allowing women at funerals -- 

> does the fact that we're talking about minhagim affecting
> mourners, who are in a difficult emotional state, affect
> the answer to these questions?  That is, should the
> standards governing demanding that a mourner follow a minhag
> of mourning that he/she finds emotionally problematic be the
> same as, for example, a rabbi deciding whether to insist
> that a male not put on tefillin in the rabbi's shul on chol
> HaMoed?

RAM gave a thoughtful reply which, in part, stated:

"My heart goes out to those who were genuinely hurt by how the rules of the Chevra Kadisha impacted them. But I'd like to think that these minhagim did not develop in an arbitrary manner, and that they tend to be beneficial."

I understand that and I also like to think that, when instituted, the minhagim were beneficial to the people at that time.  But if the way we deal with emotional experiences is different today, and if we are dealing with minhag and not halacha, might it therefore not be more sensitive, and thus more beneficial to the mourners, to have a more flexible approach in this area?  And, I note, that in asking for flexibility, I am not seeking to abrogate the minhag.  But if a chevrah or rabbi sees that the mourner is being adversely affected by the minhag, might that not be a time to err on the side of flexibility and sensitivity?

Joseph Kaplan
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