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<DIV>In response to my question about not allowing women at funerals
-- </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>> does the fact that we're talking about minhagim affecting<BR>>
mourners, who are in a difficult emotional state, affect<BR>> the answer to
these questions? That is, should the<BR>> standards governing demanding
that a mourner follow a minhag<BR>> of mourning that he/she finds emotionally
problematic be the<BR>> same as, for example, a rabbi deciding whether to
insist<BR>> that a male not put on tefillin in the rabbi's shul on
chol<BR>> HaMoed?<BR></DIV>
<DIV>RAM gave a thoughtful reply which, in part, stated:</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>"My heart goes out to those who were genuinely hurt by how the rules of the
Chevra Kadisha impacted them. But I'd like to think that these minhagim did not
develop in an arbitrary manner, and that they tend to be beneficial."</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I understand that and I also like to think that, when instituted, the
minhagim were beneficial to the people at that time. But if the way we
deal with emotional experiences is different today, and if we are dealing with
minhag and not halacha, might it therefore not be more sensitive, and thus
more beneficial to the mourners, to have a more flexible approach in this
area? And, I note, that in asking for flexibility, I am not seeking to
abrogate the minhag. But if a chevrah or rabbi sees that the mourner is
being adversely affected by the minhag, might that not be a time to err on the
side of flexibility and sensitivity?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Joseph Kaplan<BR></DIV></BODY></HTML>