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<p>I commend you for having such guests at your table!</p>
<blockquote type="cite" style="padding-left:5px; border-left:#1010ff 2px solid; margin-left:5px; width:100%">the torah's law on who may do the actual avodah [ ie mum-free] is not PC by today's standards, and in fact was a source of consternation for some shabbos guests last week [ not to mention the column of a heterodox clergylady in the local paper, who says she can't even read those passages] . i didn't have an answer other than to say [ other than the chok aspect] that the RBSO was looking from the perspective of the kahal and their kovod, and how they would react or be distracted by a baal mum. can someone supply a better take ?</blockquote>
<p>This is, indeed, a difficult passage.</p>
<p>R Jonathan Sacks has a good take on it -- which is generally along the lines of what you suggested, but a slightly different (and more big-picture) take, and, of course articulated extremely well.</p>
<p>An excerpt:</p>
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<p>Kugel also writes, "Most people, when they see someone ravaged by chemotherapy, just tend to keep their distance." He quotes Psalm 38:12, "My friends and companions stand back at the sight of my affliction; even those closest to me keep their distance." Although the physical reactions to chemotherapy are quite different from a skin disease or a bodily abnormality, they tend to generate the same feeling in others, part of which has to do with the thought "This could happen to me." They remind us of the "thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to."</p>
<p>This is the logic - if logic is the right word - of Tumah. It has nothing to do with rationality and everything to do with emotion (Recall Pascal's remark that "the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing"). Tumah does not mean defilement. It means that which distracts from eternity and infinity by making us forcibly aware of mortality, of the fact that we are physical beings in a physical world.</p>
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<p>If the above interests you at all, I encourage you to read the whole thing:<a href="http://www.aish.com/tp/i/sacks/149811775.html"> http://www.aish.com/tp/i/sacks/149811775.html</a></p>
<p>-- Sholom</p>
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