<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" xmlns:x="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:excel" xmlns:m="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2004/12/omml" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"><head><meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"><meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 12 (filtered medium)"><style><!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;}
@font-face
{font-family:Tahoma;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";}
a:link, span.MsoHyperlink
{mso-style-priority:99;
color:blue;
text-decoration:underline;}
a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed
{mso-style-priority:99;
color:purple;
text-decoration:underline;}
p
{mso-style-priority:99;
mso-margin-top-alt:auto;
margin-right:0in;
mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;
margin-left:0in;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}
p.MsoAcetate, li.MsoAcetate, div.MsoAcetate
{mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-link:"Balloon Text Char";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:8.0pt;
font-family:"Tahoma","sans-serif";}
span.EmailStyle17
{mso-style-type:personal-compose;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
color:windowtext;}
span.BalloonTextChar
{mso-style-name:"Balloon Text Char";
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-link:"Balloon Text";
font-family:"Tahoma","sans-serif";}
span.apple-converted-space
{mso-style-name:apple-converted-space;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
--></style><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1026" />
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1" />
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link=blue vlink=purple><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormalCxSpFirst>The machlokes if one may pray to the dead is well known (see Artscroll quote below)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpMiddle><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpMiddle>My question is simply – according to those who are machmir, how do they explain the common custom at the funeral of a spouse to request mechilah from the spouse.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpMiddle><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpMiddle>They are clearly not addressing HKBH. Why isn’t this a problem?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpMiddle><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpMiddle>The following is taken from the book, "Mourning in Halacha" by Artscroll.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpMiddle>When one prays at the graves of one's parents, forefathers, and relatives, or at other graves, one should not direct their prayers to the deceased, nor request anything from them. One should pray only to the Holy One, Blessed is He. One should not direct one's efforts towards the deceased, so that one will not be in the category of those who seek favors from the dead (doresh el hameisim).<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpMiddle>When one prays at the graves of tzaddikim, one should request of Hashem, Blessed is He, that He have mercy upon oneself through the merit of the righteous ones who dwell in the dust. **<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormalCxSpLast>** Ba'er Heitev (581: ##17) However, Gesher HaChaim writes: "But many permit addressing the deceased and saying to him: 'Be our representative and pray for us to Hashem, Blessed is He." Since one asks the deceased to pray to Hashem, Blessed is He, this is not considered directing one's efforts towards the deceased himself. It is like asking a living tzaddik to pray for one." And see responsa Maharam Shick (Orach Chaim #293).<o:p></o:p></p></div></body></html>