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<div>To make a long story short – S-I-L whose both parents are alive (and wife only has one brother - who could not say kaddish that day) asked someone else to say kaddish for M-I-L that day. </div>
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<div> The OU Vebbe Rebbe says “The main issue has to do with the Kaddish following Aleinu at the end of the tefilla (and in a few places, during Shacharit). That was instituted to give mourners who are not able to be the chazan the opportunity to recite at
least that Kaddish and thereby elevate the souls of their departed parents. Thus, poskim write that when one whose parents are alive says Kaddish, it may look as if a parent has died, and we refrain from this in order to "not open our mouth to the Satan".”</div>
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<div>However the Rama (132:2) requires Kaddish after Aleinu, even if no mourner is present. He also says if no mourner is present, someone else should say it (even someone with parents, if the parents don’t object).</div>
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<div>So of course I said it but I wonder :<br>
1) given that kaddish is a din in kavod and a s-i-l is chayav in kavod for in laws, wouldn’t it be better for a s-i-l to say it?</div>
<div>2) how does al tiftach peh lsatan outweigh the massive schar of getting a kahal to say yhei shmei rabbah?</div>
<div>3)what advice would we give a parent who asks should they give permission?</div>
<div>4) why don’t we say al tiftach if one parent is still alive?<br>
<br>
KT<br>
Joel Rich</div>
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