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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link=blue vlink=purple><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><div style='border:none;border-top:solid #B5C4DF 1.0pt;padding:3.0pt 0in 0in 0in'><p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma","sans-serif"'>From:</span></b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma","sans-serif"'> avodah-bounces@lists.aishdas.org [mailto:avodah-bounces@lists.aishdas.org] <b>On Behalf Of </b>Eli Turkel<br><b>Sent:</b> Monday, 18 June, 2012 8:29 AM<br><b>To:</b> Avodah<br><b>Subject:</b> [Avodah] loss of infants<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><div><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal>Obviously this is relative and some people may weep over the loss of an infant for many years. Nevertheless I unfortunately know of several families that lost a son or daughter in their teens and twenties. They never really get over the loss. The secretary of our department lost a son in a flash flood and changed her family naes to include the name of her son. A member of my shul lost a son in a battle in Jenin and has said kaddish for him for years. I don't think the loss of a nefel is felt to the same degree. I have a relative that lost an infant due to crib death. Baruch Hashem he now has 11 children with several grandchildren. I assume the parents think of the loss of their infant but it isn't to the same degree I just presented for a 20 year old.<o:p></o:p></p></div><div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>Several years ago, I attended the levaya of a young women who in childbirth had gone into a coma, and died several weeks later. The couple was barely through shana rishona. As you can imagine, the attendees were crying away. A very emotional levaya. However, I notices that the young husband had no tears. I fact, he seemed very calm about the whole thing.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>Shortly afterwards, I attended a levaya of and elderly women, with many children and grandchildren. The attendees were very solemn, but the husband and children were inconsolable. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>I realized that people cry for a person’s death for two reasons. One is for the tragedy, the loss of a great potential or future. This was true in the first case but not in the second. The second reason is the loss of the relationship. This was true solely for the family in the second case, but in the first, the husband had only known his wife for less than a year, and the last part allowed him to become independent.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";color:#1F497D'>Akiva <o:p></o:p></span></p></div></div></div></div></body></html>