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The song Love and Marriage is one that Frank Sinatra made famous. (For
the song and its lyrics go to
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwoRMAC461A" eudora="autourl">
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwoRMAC461A</a> )<br><br>
However, it seems that from a Torah standpoint the song should have been
titled Marriage and Love. Furthermore, I have always found it
strange to hear someone say "My wedding was the best day of my
life!" The implication to me is that it has been downhill since
then! >:-}<br><br>
I think that RSRH's commentary on Bereishis 24: 67 on these issues is
worth keeping in mind. <br><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><b> </font><i>67 Yitzchak
brought her (Rivkah) into the tent of Sarah, his mother. He married
Rivkah, she became his wife, and he loved her, and only then was Yitzchak
comforted for his mother. <br><br>
</i></b><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>This, too, is a
characteristic that, thank God, has not vanished from<br>
among the descendants of Avraham and Sarah, Yitzchak and Rivkah.<br>
The more she became his wife, the more he loved her! Like this
marriage<br>
of the first Jewish son, Jewish marriages, most Jewish marriages,
are<br>
contracted not on the basis of passion, but on the strength of
reason<br>
and judgment. Parents and relatives consider whether the two young<br>
people are suited to each other; therefore, their love
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><i>increases
</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>as they<br>
come to know each other better.<br><br>
Most non-Jewish marriages are made on the basis of what they
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><i>call<br>
</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>“love.” But we need only
glance at novelistic depictions taken from life,<br>
and we immediately see the vast gulf — in the non-Jewish world —<br>
between the “love” of the partners
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><i>before
</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>marriage and what
happens<br>
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><i>afterward</i></font>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>; how dull and empty everything
seems after marriage, how<br>
different from what the two partners had imagined beforehand. This<br>
sort of “love” is blind; each step into the future brings new
disillusionment.<br><br>
Not so is Jewish marriage, of which it says: <i>Vayekach es Rivkah
vat'he <br>
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>lo
l'eshah</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>! Here the wedding
is not the culmination, but only the beginning<br>
of true love. <br><br>
And now four more words, which, since God led Eve to Adam, until<br>
the end of time, have remained and will remain unsurpassed in beauty<br>
and glory: <i>v</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>ayenacam
Yitzchok achrei Imo
</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>.
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><i>A forty-year old man,
inconsolable over the<br>
death of his aged mother, finds consolation in his wife!
</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>This is the position<br>
of the Jewish woman as wife! What nonsense to identify Jewish
married<br>
life with oriental sensuality and harem conditions! With Sarah’s
death,<br>
the feminine spirit and feeling departed from the home.
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><i>Yitzchak then<br>
found his mother again in his wife
</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>(hence, “When he brought
Rivkah<br>
into the tent, to him it was as though his mother were again there”
—<br>
see </font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><i>Bereshis Rabbah
</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>60:16). This is the
highest tribute that has ever been<br>
paid to the dignity and nobility of woman — and it is in the ancient<br>
history of Judaism.<br><br>
<br>
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