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<DIV><FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" color=#000000 size=2 face=Arial>From: "kennethgmiller@juno.com" <A href="mailto:kennethgmiller@juno.com">kennethgmiller@juno.com</A><BR><BR>>>
In the thread titled "biography of R. Elyashiv", R' Zev Sero quoted a post which
R' Ben Waxman posted on Areivim:<BR><BR>> The Gra writes in his perush on
Pirke Avot that if someone hears<BR>> his baby cry at night, he should ignore
him and let his wife take<BR>> care of the baby. Either the man is learning
or sleeping in order<BR>> to learn. Either way, the baby's problems are not
his concern.<BR><BR>I am SHOCKED by this. If the Gra (or anyone else) would say
such a thing, surely they would point out that it only refers to people who
never interrupt their learning for any other mitzva.<BR><BR>And even if so, to
say that "the baby's problems are not his concern" seems absurd. Maybe his
learning takes priority over his child's pain, but to say that he should not be
concerned seems cruel. <<<BR><BR><BR><BR>Akiva Miller</FONT></FONT></DIV>
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<DIV>It is only "cruel" if you think that the baby's cries may go
unheeded. If you assume, OTOH, that it is only a question of WHO should
take care of the baby -- the father or the mother -- then I don't find it
shocking at all to answer, "The mother should get up and take care of the baby,
and make sure that her husband is able to learn undisturbed or able to sleep
undisturbed so that he can learn well tomorrow."</DIV>
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<DIV>I am certain that the Gra would also say that if the mother is
unavailable -- she is ill, for example, or she is in the hospital after the
birth of the next baby -- that the father should take care of the baby, as it
then quickly becomes a case of pikuach nefesh to leave a baby unfed and
wallowing in its own waste.</DIV>
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<DIV>I do agree with RAM that the GRA's statement ("The baby is not your
concern") applies (or should apply) only to the rare man who is on such a
high level that he never, ever interrupts his Torah learning for anything
else -- never picks up a newspaper, never goes on the internet, never
even goes to Avodah. Anyone who can take time off his Torah learning
to read Avodah should also take time off his learning to take care of his baby
once in a while. (That means /you/ whoever you are -- reading this right
now. :- ) ) This is a chessed to his child and also to his
wife.</DIV>
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<DIV>Please note that I do consider it the primary obligation of the mother to
care for the baby, which is why I say it is a chessed to her (rather
than an obligation) if the father pitches in and shares the load.</DIV>
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<DIV>Going off on what may be somewhat of a tangent, I also think that if the
mother is not a stay-at-home mom and has no possibility of catching up on her
missed sleep later -- ESPECIALLY if she is working in order to enable her
husband to stay in kollel -- that the father then has an OBLIGATION to share the
load and sometimes care for the crying baby in the middle of the night. In
such a case, both the father's sleep and the mother's sleep are equally
important, in order to enable him to continue learning Torah. (But I must
add that I'm very conflicted about "Kollel feminism" because mothers
working and dumping their babies in daycare is far from ideal --
there is no substitute for a mother.)</DIV>
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<DIV><FONT color=#0000ff><BR></FONT><B><FONT color=#0000ff>--Toby
Katz<BR>==========<BR><BR></FONT><FONT lang=0 color=#000000 size=2 face=Arial FAMILY="SANSSERIF" PTSIZE="10"></B>--------------------
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