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<DIV><FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" color=#000000 size=2
face=Arial>From: "Chana Luntz" <Chana@kolsassoon.org.uk><BR>>>And
then, if you are prepared to recognise that there are those who do think<BR>that
this change of women marrying later is indeed forced upon us by<BR>economic
necessity, if nothing else, how do you provide the spiritual<BR>nourishment that
may have traditionally been available via marriage, without<BR>a marriage? I get
back to the question of ase l'cha rav. For a woman who is<BR>yet to marry,
do you hold that aseh l'cha rav, is a positive mitzvah? If<BR>so, how
should it be achieved, given the modern hurdles? Or is the
correct<BR>price to pay that a woman needs to put her spiritual growth (not to
mention<BR>halachic observance) on hold during her teenage and twenties (if
not<BR>thirties) while she pursues her secular studies? If not, how is
growth to<BR>be achieved given that the traditional supports available to her
grandmother<BR>in her bas melech penima role are not available to her during
this period? <<<BR><BR>>>>>><BR>I don't know what
spiritual supports were available to Grandma that are not available to women
today, except husbands, of course. But most husbands aren't very good at
that sort of thing. In many homes the wife is the stronger partner,
spiritually speaking, and it has ever been thus. </FONT></DIV><FONT
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<DIV>You have spoken of "asei lecha rav" before and I recall you connected that
idea with the phenomenon of girls in seminary developing crushes on their
teachers. It seems that you see the relationship with a rav as having a
strong emotional component, a level of emotional intimacy, that is not very
appropriate between a man and a woman outside of marriage. In this case I
don't know what difference it makes whether a woman is married or single.
But I disagree with your premise. Many single young women (and of course
many married women) used to talk to my father about their problems and
questions, halachic or hashkafic. My mother might come in and offer tea
and cookies, she would usually be somewhere around. Sometimes the young
woman would confide in my mother rather than in my father, not unusual for a
sympathetic rebetzen. </DIV>
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<DIV>"Asei lecha rav" can be anything from asking shailos about your pots
and pans to discussing serious life-goal issues. It is not the case
that for the typical married woman, her husband is her rav, as you seem to
think. I am having trouble wrapping my head around your understanding of
"aseh lecha rav" that would make it inappropriate for a woman to have a male
rav, or that would make any distinction between a single and a married woman in
her relationship with a rav. (PS On a personal note I must confess that
the phenomenon of a girl having a crush on her teacher is not unknown to me, and
it certainly adds a delightful piquancy to one's schooldays, but I don't see the
"crush" as having anything to do with choosing a rav. Well I guess if
a girl does have a crush on a teacher, it would be prudent to choose a different
person as her rav.)<BR></DIV>
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<DIV><FONT lang=0 color=#0000ff size=2 face=Arial FAMILY="SANSSERIF"
PTSIZE="10"><B>--Toby
Katz<BR>==========<BR><BR><BR><BR>_____________________</B></FONT></DIV></FONT></DIV></FONT><DIV CLASS="aol_ad_footer" ID="72f1ab6af5640200f149364457f45a7f"><br/><font style="color:black;font:normal 10pt arial,san-serif;"> <hr style="margin-top:10px"/></font></DIV></BODY></HTML>