<html><P><I'm surprised that she was allowed to follow the coffin at all.<BR>Many communities are careful not to allow a man's offspring to follow him,<BR>and many make an explicit announcement to that effect. (I've heard that<BR>in Yerushalayim they're so careful about this that they don't allow them<BR>to go to the grave at all, even by a different route, and that they even<BR>extend it to women's funerals.) > </P>
<P> The reason given for the minhag has no applicability at all to a woman's funeral.</P>
<P> Lately, the chevros have been allowing descendants to go to the gravesite before the funeral procession, but to stand four amos away until the body has been lowered into the grave. This was the procedure at the levaya of my father z"l.</P>
<P> The story that's told is that at the funeral of R. Chatzkel Sarna, rosh yeshiva of Chevron, the chevra kadisha mades its usual announcement, "Kinder geien nit noch dem aron" ("Children do not go after the coffin"). A son of his, no great tzaddik, said, "Gut, vel ich geien far'n aron." ("Fine, so I'll go before the coffin"). The chevros, which had been under pressure -- especially from Americans -- to allow children to attend, accepted that solution, and will now use it when requested.</P>
<P>EMT</P></html>
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