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In his essay on
<a href="http://www.stevens.edu/golem/llevine/rsrh/jewish_woman.pdf">The
Jewish Woman</a> RSRH discusses how Rivka was chosen to be Yitzchok's
wife. On pages 107 - 108 he writes regarding how this Shidduch was
decided upon and then comments on how other shidduchim should be decided
upon. YL<br><br>
<font size=3>It </font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>is
significant that the one person whose wishes should have been regarded as
decisive in this arrangement has nothing to say in the matter. Isaac,
whose wishes should have mattered the most, remains silent throughout.
While Rebecca is asked for her approval before any arrangements are made
in her behalf, Isaac permits his father and his father's faithful servant
complete freedom to act for him in a matter which, more than anything
else, will be decisive for his personal happiness. Does this story not
reflect a character trait in the family of Abraham that still
predominates within the families of Abraham's true spiritual heirs today,
promoting their true happiness throughout life? How much ridicule has
been wasted on the fact that until very recent times Jewish marriages
were made not by the well-known blind deity with his quiver of arrows but
solely on the basis of thorough, rational consideration by the parents
and families of both parties! <br><br>
</font>Here again we see a time-honored Jewish custom, with its good
common sense, that has proven more effective than any other approach in
the promotion of personal happiness. In other societies marriages are
made by emotions as blind as their god of love. Passion acts as the
matchmaker, thus excluding, from the very outset, the role of calm
reflection in a matter where dispassionate consideration would seem to be
of the essence. Partners whose emotions are blinded by passion never get
to know one another before marriage; as a result, they enter marriage
with notions and expectations that have no relation to reality. But very
soon reality brings disillusionment, chilling the passions and estranging
the partners from one another. Jewish marriages, on the other hand, are
made on the basis of calm deliberation and careful reflection, testing
whether the prospective partners are mutually compatible in their
emotions, character, personality and all the other factors that determine
marital happiness. These are considerations and reflections of which
neither the young man nor the young woman are capable but which are
within the capability of the parents, relatives and friends of both
parties. Only when good common sense would approve of the union are the
couple's feelings toward one another taken into account. That is why
statistics show a disproportionately higher percentage of happy marriages
among Jews than among members of other societies. Therefore, too, in
Jewish marriages the wedding* is not the climax but only the highly
promising seeding of love that unfolds more and more with every passing
day of the marriage. This is a love that, as the partners pass through
life's days of sunshine and tempest, becomes ever more firmly rooted and
bursts into ever more glorious flower as the two hearts grow into one
another and the two souls. deeply involved in the serious business of
life. become aware of what they mean to one another and realize what a
treasure each has in the other. An Isaac who chooses his Rebecca on his
own may well make a mistake, but an Isaac who permits his father Abraham
to bring him his Rebecca will rarely be disillusioned. <br><br>
Note, finally. the striking contrast between the Aramite family on the
one hand and the family of Abraham on the other. See Isaac permitting his
father to act for him in the most serious decision of his life. On the
other hand, see Rebecca's brother, Laban, rudely pushing his aged father.
Bethuel, aside when this most important family concern is discussed,
impudently lording it over the family and shoving the "old man"
into a corner like so much castoff household refuse. Even when the family
is called upon to give its formal sanction to the proposed marriage,
Laban does not allow his father to speak before him. The "old
man" does not get any of the delicacies that Eliezer has brought for
Rebecca's family. It is the son and his mother that do all the talking
(with the son speaking before his mother. which was considered proper),
and when the bride receives the family's blessing as she leaves her
home to go with Eliezer, it is not her father but her brother who blesses
the departing daughter. <br><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>*
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>R. Hirsch alludes to the
German term for "wedding,"
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3><i>Hochzeif.
</i></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica" size=3>literally "high
time" or "climax." (Ed.) </font></div>
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