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<font size=3>At 10:12 AM 11/10/2008, you wrote:<br><br>
<blockquote type=cite class=cite cite="">On Sun, Nov 09, 2008 at
05:06:01AM -0500, Cantor Wolberg wrote:<br>
: I once saw a beautiful teshuva regarding the halacha of the length
of <br>
: aveilus and the seeming disparity between only 30 days for a child
and <br>
: a year for parents.<br>
: When parents loses a child they will be mourning the rest of
their <br>
: lives, therefore, in order not to exacerbate it, halacha has
<br>
: compassionately made the (external) aveilus for only 30
days....<br><br>
I could argue the reverse. Since aveilus is cathartic, the person
who<br>
feels the pain longer should be given the tool to feel like he has
done<br>
justice to his feelings and the memory of the deceased. Someone who
can<br>
get past it on their own more readily doesn't need to be given
aveilus<br>
to help him work it out for as long of a period.<br><br>
Tir'u baTov!<br>
-Micha</blockquote><br>
Let me preface what I write by pointing out that I have lost a son.
Avraham Chaim Shimshon, A"H, was killed in a car accident in
December, 1991. He was 15 and half years old. I mention this to let you
know that it is indeed true that when a parent "loses a child, they
are indeed in mourning for the rest of their lives."<br><br>
I recall hearing the following from Rav P. M. Teitz, ZT'L. He asked,
"Why is it that the aveilus for a parent is a year whereas that for
a child is only one month? After all, people are almost always more
greatly affected by the loss of a child." He replied (and here I am
paraphrasing) , "Everyone knows that his parents are going to pass
away. This is the way of the world. Therefore, there may be a tendency
for a child to 'downplay' the loss of a parent. Hence, the period of
mourning is a year, so that the child does not 'forget.'. However, for a
child there is never any 'downplaying' of the loss. Only a month is
needed."<br><br>
I have sat shiva 4 times - for a brother, a son and my parents. My
personal experience is that Rav Teitz's observation is on the mark.<br>
<x-sigsep><p></x-sigsep>
Yitzchok Levine</font></body>
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