[Avodah] Kavod Rav

[Joseph Kaplan]

“ R Reuven Feinstein mentioned that the Maharam Mrutenberg did not visit his
father because of the halachic question who would stand for whom. He did
not answer his own question concerning how this fits into kibud av as a
hashkafa.
Thoughts?”

I wonder how true this story is. (We know that there are many urban legends about gedolim that are probably told as moral lessons but never actually occurred.) I note this because if that was really a barrier, there are easy enough practical solutions if one wants to see one’s father strongly enough (as one should). They could enter the room at the same time and sit down at the same time. They could stand up together and leave at the same time. Or they could ask each other mechilah for not standing up and grant such mechilah. And I’m sure there are more. 

More than that, isn’t a rabbi’s job to answer difficult questions. Surely the Maharam had more difficult halachic questions than this one. Indeed, our local shul rabbis have more difficult questions regularly about end of life issues which they answer just as regularly. And if the Maharam thought he had a conflict of interest in answering it himself, he could have asked another Rav and do what we all do — ask a shailah and follow the teshuvah. 

So my bottom line “thoughts” about this (which the OP asked for) would not only be surprise that the Maharam passed on observing one of the 10 commandments, but also that he passed on it because of a question of who should stand for whom — certainly not a Torah level issue. 

Which leads to my ultimate thought. Some stories have a lofty moral even if I think they are apocryphal. This one, however, has practical and halachic issues that makes me wonder whether this is what Halacha is, or should be, about. So I choose to believe that it never happened. 

Joseph


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