[Avodah] Forgiveness, Mollifying, Delegation of Friends

[Rabbi Meir G. Rabi]

Has anyone participated in an event such as described below? or known of
anyone engaging the following procedure?

I have vague recollections as a youngster, where the Rov would announce at
the Levaya, Whoever wishes to ask the Niftar for Mechilah ... and a couple
of elderly Yidden would shuffle up to the Aron and mostly, hang their heads
in shame whilst quietly mumbling - I suppose because many in attendance
were aware of some Broigez between them and the Niftar.

Has anyone heard of someone going to a Kever with a Minyan, enunciate their
wrongdoings, and ask Mechilah?

from AlHaTorah.org; Translated and annotated by Rabbi Eliyahu Touger
(Moznaim Publishing, 1986–2007)

9) Teshuvah and Yom Kippur only atone for sins between man and God; for
example, a person who ate a forbidden food or engaged in forbidden sexual
relations, and the like. However, sins between man and man; for example,
someone who injures a colleague, curses a colleague, steals from him, or
the like will never be forgiven until he gives his colleague what he owes
him and appeases him.

[It must be emphasized that] even if a person restores the money that he
owes [the person he wronged], he must appease him and ask him to forgive
him.
Even if a person only upset a colleague by saying [certain] things, he must
appease him and approach him [repeatedly] until he forgives him.
If his colleague does not desire to forgive him, he should bring a group of
three of his friends

RaMBaM describes them as a Shurah; I am inclined to translate that as a
Delegation meaning formally not casually
The Gemara Yuma describes them as a Shurah, as does the SeMaG;
The ShA [OCh 606] describes them as Anashim - why does he alter Shurah?

a delegation of 3 of his friends
whose friends? the victim's or the aggressor's?
Probably the victims because they are there to persuade the victim as his
friends who understand him and can better understand his suffering and feel
that the offer made by the aggressor is reasonable and that his remorse is
sincere and ought to be accepted.
This means the aggressor has ALREADY spoken with these three friends and
explained the circumstances and they have agreed and are willing to
approach their friend to persuade him to accept.

This is why the Beis Din cannot adjudicate this process, they are unable to
relate to the personal perspectives of wither the victim of the aggressor.
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