[Avodah] Waiving mourning practices

[Micha Berger]

On Wed, Feb 24, 2021 at 06:25:48AM +0000, Rich, Joel via Avodah wrote:
> Interesting article by R' S. Brody in the upcoming Hakira concerning
> parents waiving their "right" to mourning after shloshim...

If the reason for aveilus running more than sheloshim is kibud (or yir'as)
av va'eim rather than aveilus itself, granting them this ability would
be very logical. Like doing anything else for one's parent; if they don't
want it done, there is no chiyuv to do it.

(For yir'ah too -- you can get reshus from a parent to sit in their seat.)

To answer your question
>       Assumedly they could still choose to observe the strictures they
> choose but from a strictly halachic basis will their reward (as a stand
> in for HKBH's happiness) be as great? From a hashkafic viewpoint is the
> waiver sending the right message?

It depends why the parents gave them reshus. No? It could be the parent
is doing the child a favor. It could be the parent believes they are
better served without it. And I could picture very different answers
to your questions in those two scenarios.

A mother might have waved aveilus because family is important to her,
and she wants her children to be able to go to the cousin's wedding
that is coming up. It may be greater kibud eim to obey her accomodating
going to her niece's wedding.

Alternatively, mom might know her child really want to get to their
friend's upcoming wedding, and doesn't want you making major sacrifices.

If indeed months 2-12 are all about kibud or eimah, and the request
is for the parents' sake, the greater kibud av va'eim would be not
practicing aveilus.

Or maybe, just going to the one wedding. Okay, we need a scenario where
the motive is continuous. (The only thing that came to mind is pretty
depressing: Dad got his act together, but always regretted the years he
was an abusive parent. He would prefer the kapparah of a short aveilus
more than a full year of the son being pushed to think about their
troubled relationship.)

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger                 I thank God for my handicaps, for, through them,
http://www.aishdas.org/asp   I have found myself, my work, and my God.
Author: Widen Your Tent                   - Helen Keller
- https://amzn.to/2JRxnDF

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger                 I thank God for my handicaps, for, through them,
http://www.aishdas.org/asp   I have found myself, my work, and my God.
Author: Widen Your Tent                   - Helen Keller
- https://amzn.to/2JRxnDF