[Avodah] What to do in Elul?

[Micha Berger]

On Mon, Aug 17, 2020 at 05:30:40PM -0400, Ken Bloom wrote:
> Can anyone share sources in mussar literature (or elsewhere) about what one
> should do or think about to prepare for yamim noraim? I'm interested in
> finding a guide to an Elul cheshbon hanefesh or something similar.

I'll give you "or elsewhere". Here's what I do.

1-

During the year, I try to keep a cheshbon hanefesh. Laziness and momentum
being what it is, that means that I usually have a journal of the decisions
and reactions of a few 1 to 2 month stretches during the year.

So, something I do early in Elul is review those, see patterns, what
changed during the gaps... And trying to compensate changes because I
was just focused on different things in different parts of the year.
I then try to mentally fill in the gaps, as I can. And then I make a
list of those issues in my reactions, decisions and actions that seem
to have recurred a lot. It's often not the issues I was thinking I was
failing at before I looked through notes.

For that matter, even if you "just" keep a diary of your responses to the
week -- not what happened to you, but how you responded to it -- from now
to RH would give more insight to what habits and middos might really need
the most attention.

And to make that list, I try for a list of 2 to 4 items that both need the
most attention and yet balanced with things I can actually tackle. For
example, I have a long-running battle with ka'as. But it may not be
the chink in the armor most ready to move. I might want to work on my
frustration threshold, noting that my temper is very often the sum of
frustration plus having someone I can pin blame on.

And the plan has to be incremental. Not "starting YK I never will..."
or "will always", but "starting YK I will take the first step to...
which is..."

For exmple, not expressing frustration in a given set of situations.
Or maybe right after work for the first hour I'm home. Or whatever.

2-

So much for correcting past mistakes. My other step is something
Bank of America mislabeled Hoshin Planning that I adapted for life.

https://www.aishdas.org/asp/hoshin-plan

2a- Find a Mission Statement

At this point, I have a mission statement I aspire to live by.

The first year, I didn't. I picked a quote from a sefer that at the time
(and still) really moved me. Look for something from a seifer (including
the siddur) that sums up life's mission for you. Is it about deveiqus?
And if about deveiqus -- what does that mean to you? Knowledge (as per
the Rambam)? Experiencing the Divine? Having a relationship with Hashem?
Partnering with Him in His Work -- and what is His Work? Or maybe you see
it in terms of sheleimus or temimus. But then, what is a person supposed
to be, that you can talk about being more perfect at being one? Is it
emulating Hashem? Or bein adam lachaveiro? Or maybe you're on another
page altogether -- you see the Torah's mission for your life in terms
of Jewish Nationhood, or humanity.

And I realize many of those will yield different phrasing of nearly the same
answer. But only nearly the same. There could be situations where connotations
matter and have a nafqa mina lemaaseh. But in any case, it has to be moving
and inspiring based on the way HQBH made you.

In short -- a sentence or two about how you see what the Torah is telling
you to be at this point in your life.

After the first year, you tweak it and revise it as you change.

2b- Drilling down

A Mission Statement is pointless if it doesn't have a way to influence
action.

In a Hoshin Plan, upper management comes up with measurable goals for the
firm. Each division head takes those goals that his division could help
reach, and translates its items into smaller goals for his division. His
group heads to the same to his goals, team heads... etc... The idea is that
there is an individual programmer like myself can be shown how my program
fits in the team's goal, the group's goal and so on up to the firm's goal
as written up in the Mission Statement.

Similarly life's Mission Statement. We can divide it and subdivide it
into managable lists. Maybe three bullet items as top-level goals to
make the mission statament happen. And 2-4 each for each of those
goals to make subgoals and so on.

The idea is to get to the point that when you decide to go to the kitchen
to get a cup of coffee, you have a way to relate that decision to the
approach to living al pi haTorah that you framed for yourself.

Let me give an example, taken from the above blog page.

Since I wrote a book based on R Shimon's haqdamah to Shaarei Yosher,
the quote would be no surprise. For that matter, ch. 2 is titled
"Mission Statement" and is a collection of thoughts about the
openining sentence of the haqdamah. See the first paragraph of
the copy in Widen Your Tent sec 1.1, pg 45 of the book or pg 4 of
https://www.aishdas.org/asp/ShaareiYosher.pdf#page=4

So, my orignal mission statement translates to (it is important to
be in first person singular):
   [My] greatest desire should be to do good to others, to individuals
   and to the masses, now and in the future, in imitation of the Creator
   (as it were). For everything He created and formed was according
   to His Will (may it be blessed), [that is] only to be good to the
   creations. So too His Will is that [I] walk in His ways.

Now I can divide that into three subgoals:
- Having a connection to G-d
- Internalizing His Will
- Being a conduit of Hashem's Good into the lives of others.

Internalizing His will, for example, was first subdivided into
- Daily learning (which is what drives projects like AhS Yomi)
- Daily Mussar work (like what I'm describing in this post), and
- Regular in-depth learning -- chavrusos, shiurim, etc...

Notice at this point I can start filling in things I can do this year.
What learning? Which shiurim? As in part 1 -- which middos and what are
the first months' exercises to chip away at them. (And buying a pretty
new notebook. Somehow I do best at cheshbon hanefesh when I have a
kewl new toy to do it with.)

Hopefully, by month end when this "Spiritual Hoshin Plan" is done, I
can pause in the middle of the workday and be able to say for myself
that I'm putting up with this irate trader on the phone (I work for a
Hedge Fund) so that I can pay for tuition (goal 3.2.4.2.5 or some-such),
I can develop my personal creativity (as per 1.2... as being in the
image of the Creator is something I view as a Mussar goal), etc.. And
thereby give sanctity to an otherwise mundane (and stressfull) activity.

And then every year things shift. Both in how I look at the world and in
what are the pressing issues requiring more attention. Where parenting
sits in the hierarchy was very different when I started than now that my
youngest is a teenager.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger                 A cheerful disposition is an inestimable treasure.
http://www.aishdas.org/asp   It preserves health, promotes convalescence,
Author: Widen Your Tent      and helps us cope with adversity.
- https://amzn.to/2JRxnDF       - R' SR Hirsch, "From the Wisdom of Mishlei"