[Avodah] ToChaCha

[Rabbi Meir G. Rabi]

R' Joel asked: How [when] does one know when ToChaCha will be accepted?

But I believe that the correct question is - when does one know ToChaCha
will NOT be accepted?
Because we have Halacha that answers that Q and we must assert that until
that standard is met the duty remains.
We are exempted from this duty when the recipient slaps, or according to
many is ready to slap. In other words, one has a duty to clarify - that's
the true meaning of LeHoChiAch, to clarify to the sinner that their deeds
are wrong - and it's fairly certain that after a couple of hundred attempts
to get through, before the recipient is ready to slap, one is not likely to
succeed. And yet this Mitzvah is defined with a double instruction, which
Chazzal explain to mean, one must continue, even a thousand times.
 Then again, it's not just repeating the same old same old, the MoChiAch
must seek new methods to grab attention, as in telling a story about one
poor fellow who only had one sheep which the neighbour, who had thousands
of sheep, stole this one sheep etc.

The other exemption stated in RYona is where there recipient would not
listen to anyone even his father mother or Rebbe or Rosh Yeshivah etc So
the bar is set quite high. The duty is quite onerous.

In this regard we might consider that Yosef and his brothers never resolved
their issues. Rabbenu Bachya points to the Paytan who compiled the Piyut
for the Asarah Harugey Malchus, the 10 martyrs, who attributes this
horrible event to the betrayal of the 10 brothers. And it's worthy to
consider why Yosef didn't take the high road and forgive his brothers even
though they did not seek his forgiveness?
as RaMBaM states DeOs 6:9 If one does not want to rebuke whoever has caused
him grief or harm, because the sinner is HedYot BeYoser or DaAto
MeShubeshes, but within his heart forgives, and bears no hatred against
him, this is Midas Chassidus, pious conduct.

Now we ought to clarify why the RaMBaM qualifies his Midas Chassidus to
those two cases? Why is it not important to encourage everyone in all
circumstances to be a Chassid?

Perhaps it is because those who have harmed others actually need help and
even if they are forgiven for this particular event, the evil character
remains unchecked and unhealed. That is the responsibility of HToChiAch.
One cannot possibly be a Chassid if one takes no action to help another Yid
who has a flaw - and is perhaps the reason that Yosef was not Mochel. The
brothers needed - but failed to recognise their error and the shortcomings
that fed and fostered this terrible betrayal that stained our national
history.
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