[Avodah] Perceptions

[Akiva Miller]

R' Joel Rich asked:
> What percentage of people would like to know how they are
> really viewed by others (vs. maintaining their false self-
> image)? Are we failing (ethically? Halachically) by not
> telling folks if there are negative perceptions about them
> out there?

Personally, I would love to know about the things I do that are viewed
negatively by others. If I had that information, I could either correct my
actions, or I could explain myself to them and thereby improve their views
of me, and possibly even improve how *they* act.

However, as much as I would like that, I generally do not tell others when
I view them negatively. To do so successfully requires a great deal of tact
and sensitivity, and experience has shown me that I usually fail when I
attempt these things. I believe that this approach is supported by the
halachos of Tochacha: attempt to correct people, but first, do no harm.

Akiva Miller
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