[Avodah] Gender inequality in Jewish weddings

[Micha Berger]

On Mon, Jul 15, 2019 at 06:03:32PM -0400, Akiva Miller via Avodah wrote:
: Beautiful article about how the roles of the kallah and chasan are not
: balanced.
: https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/lord-or-lady-of-the-rings-should-an-orthodox-chuppah-be-more-gender-balanced/
: 
: 
: Here's a little spoiler from it:
: > That's why the bride plays a more active role in a traditional
: > Jewish wedding, while the groom is more passive.

But untrue. We Ashkenazim have a minhag to walk around the man 7 times.
Unlike the man's giving a kesuvah and declaration, not to mention her
entering /his/ chuppah, a regional minhag, and obviously not me'aqev.

And while we're talking about not me'aqev, who does the bedekin? Whether
the Ashkenazi version or the Sepharadi at-the-beginning-of-the aisle form,
in both cases it's the man who is active.

She picks up her finger to accept the ring. In a sense, it's demonstating
that the qiddushin is with her agreement. But it's part of *his* giving
the ring. Calling that her dominating the show is specious.

On Tue, Jul 16, 2019 at 08:42:05AM +0300, Simon Montagu via Avodah wrote:
: But I have a related question: does anyone know the first Jewish source
: which claims like this blogger that women have more "natural spirituality"
: than men, and links this idea to "she`asani kirtzono"? RSRH is often
: quoted in this context, is there anybody earlier?

I found mention of this idea in Tanchuma Pinechas 7:1, and Bamidbar Rabba
21:10, on benos Tzelafchad. In both cases, the medrash notes a pattern:
the women won't give to the eigel, they are the first to give to the
Mishkan, and then benos Tzelfchad. "Hanashim goderos mah sheha'anashim
portzim." Specitically that women treasure spiritual things more than man,
more than calling them spiritual in general.

I think both medrashim predate the berakhah of she'asani kirtzono.

This point might be made by the Taz OC 46, who explains why the berakhah
was coined as follows: even in the man's berakhah [shelo asani ishah]
one sees the ma'alah of beri'as ha'ishah, but he doesn't need this
ma'alah. Therefore
    shapir chayeves hi levareikh al ma'alah shelah, KN"L nakhon.

(See there for the Taz's explanation of why "shelo asani Y" rather
than "she'asani X".)

But it is unclear whether he is saying that a woman has a ma'alah she must
thank G-d for that is above zero, or above man's. He does distinguish
this shelo asani ishah from the other two (goy and eved), which would
imply the latter. But I can't say it's muchrach.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger                 You will never "find" time for anything.
http://www.aishdas.org/asp   If you want time, you must make it.
Author: Widen Your Tent                        - Charles Buxton
- https://amzn.to/2JRxnDF