[Avodah] Whether You Come to Talk to God, to Your Friends or to Both, Shul is a Place For You: A Measured Call Regarding Talking in Shul

[Micha Berger]

On Fri, Jan 04, 2019 at 02:30:21AM +0000, Joseph Kaplan via Avodah wrote:
:> I have often, in my usual style of eschewing normalcy, have gone over
:> to people who interrupted their davening for something (eg a woman who
:> was davening while waiting for the train, as she sits down in the train
:> and reopens her siddur), or the fellow whose mind wantered in shul... I
:> would go over to them and say, "Tell Him I say 'hi!'" Of course, they
:> can't hear the capital "h". Sad to say, while it's a significant minority,
:> only a minority of people get Who I am talking about."

: I would hope that this is an exaggeration to make a point and not what
: you actually do. I find it hard to believe that you would not understand
: that a woman, who with all the time pressure she has in getting the
: kids up, breakfasted, and out to school and getting herself ready to
: go to work while thinking about dinner and laundry...

No, I really do this. Although, Passaic being what it is, you're picturing
the wrong woman. We don't have too many two-income families with kids
in the house. Typical woman on the bus is single.

And I also do it to the bachur at the table in the shul lobby, who is
checking his phone while putting on tefillin.

The piece you're missing is tone of voice. "If you don't know Who I mean,
you're not doing it right" is said to the rhythm of a punch line.

What you picture as a snide remark is intentionally said as an
intentionally corny joke, with a self-aware nod to the fact that the
person I'm talking to might find my point corny as well.

In today's post-modern zeitgeist, going meta by making a joke of one's
joke is more common, and expected, than you'd think. But even if not,
the punchline rhythm tells them I was attempting humore, not nagging.

And I must be carrying it off, because the responses I get tend to
involve a smile.

To justify putting this reply on Avodah, let me add the following
general observation:

Tochakhah isn't supposed to be rebuke, and certainly not snide. Has to
be said in a way that it will be accepted. Humor is a key tool.

:-)BBii!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             When you come to a place of darkness,
micha at aishdas.org        you don't chase out the darkness with a broom.
http://www.aishdas.org   You light a candle.
Fax: (270) 514-1507        - R' Yekusiel Halberstam of Klausenberg zt"l