[Avodah] kaddish yatom by non-mourner

[Zev Sero]

On 20/09/18 17:55, Micha Berger via Avodah wrote:
> On Thu, Sep 20, 2018 at 04:27:48PM -0400, Zev Sero via Avodah wrote:
> : But there's no question that upsetting ones parents is a avera,
> : while saying kaddish is not any sort of chiyuv on any individual.
> 
> But, going back to the OP:
>> Question: If the parents went to their Rav, would he answer the question
>> should they be finicky about it? If he would, what would his answer be?
> When it's a parent asking the question, should they be maqpdim?

As I answered earlier, this is not a question that can be answered in 
terms of "should".   All a rav could tell them is that al pi torah 
there's no reason to be upset, but it's a natural feeling that they need 
not be ashamed of or try to suppress if that is what they genuinely 
feel. A counsellor could help them explore what they actually feel, i.e. 
whether they really have a problem with it or they just think they do. 
And a rebbe could try to reassure them that nothing bad will result.


> So far I've heard tangential objections to the use of the word "finicky"
> and other digressions. So, I want to get back to this question...
> 
> I would think it depends on the parents' hashkafah, in particular, how
> seriously that hashkafah takes "al tiftach peh lasatan" in comparison
> to allowing their son to help out his minyan.

But it *isn't* pesichas peh.  Nothing is being said to open the door to 
unwanted circumstances.  It's really a matter of a subconscious 
perception by the parent that the child is too comfortable with the 
prospect of being a yasom.

-- 
Zev Sero            A prosperous and healthy 5779 to all
zev at sero.name       Seek Jerusalem's peace; may all who love you prosper