[Avodah] Support?

[Akiva Miller via Avodah]

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R' Ben Bradley wrote:

> I'd vote for preferred. Sevara would be that negia is assur
> derech chiba, and the question through the poskim is what
> consitutes derech chiba. The fairly consistent answer is to
> include any contact in any social situation in addition to
> more obvious situations of derech chiba. The situations fairly
> consistently not included are professional scenarios where
> your mind is presumed to be solely on the job eg doctors,
> nurses, physical therapists etc. Then we have indviduals who
> can rely on themselves to have their mind lshem shamayim like
> the amora who lifted kallas on his shoulders. The gemara says
> there that even in his generation he was unique in being able
> to rely on himself to have his mind only lshem shamayim for
> this situation.
>
> But the consistent point is the when you can be objectively
> certain enough that a given situation will not cause hirhurei
> aveira then there is no issur of negia.

I see a flaw in the logic. In the example of "doctors, nurses,
physical therapists etc.", the physical contact is incidental in a
"melacha she'ein tzricha l'gufa" sort of way: The same way that one
will argue "I did not mean to dig a hole, I just needed some dirt", so
too the doctor will say, "I did not mean to touch her, I just checked
her pulse", or the therapist will say, "I did not mean to hold her,
she just needed help walking." Those are examples of incidental negia.

But in the case at hand, the physical contact is not incidental. It is
the goal. Nay, I would argue even more strongly: The mere physical
contact isn't the goal -- The EMOTIONAL RESPONSE to the contact is the
goal! The whole point of hugging this person is for emotional support.

I certainly agree that this sort of hugging is on a lower level that
the sort of hugging that leads to sexual relations. But at the same
time, it *IS* more intimate than the examples you cited. A person will
choose a doctor, nurse or therapist, based on their medical ability --
but the sort of hugs we are discussing here are valued more when from
a friend than from a stranger.

> I'd have thought the example above would fit that. And
> preferred rather than acceptable because if I'm right in
> sevara then the weight of the need to comfort the bereaved
> in such a fashion would make physical contact the preferred
> option.

"The need to comfort the bereaved..."

Please note the Aruch Hashulchan YD 383:2, who writes "yesh le'esor"
regarding chibuk v'nishuk when either spouse is in aveilus. And he
cites Koheles 3:5 - "There is a time for hugging, and a time to keep
distant from hugging." I would be surprised to find that the halacha
forbids this comfort from a spouse, and prefers that one get this
"needed" comfort from someone else.

Akiva Miller