[Avodah] aveilut for an abuser

[Akiva Miller via Avodah]

from R' Moshe Yehuda Gluck:

> Another weird case I've wondered about for years: A man receives a
> heter mei'ah rabbanim, marries again, and then his first (and
> still) wife dies. He sits shivah for the first, presumably, even
> though they may have been estranged for years. (A similar situation,
> though less weird to me, would be in regards to an agunah, where a
> spouse would presumably sit shivah for the spouse even though they
> haven't been in contact for years.)

R' Mordechai Cohen suggested:

> In the agunah case - if he was mechuayav to divorce her and
> refused to do so he (perhaps) w be considered a rasha and no shiva
> would be required.

There might be no need to go so far as to declare him a rasha. Perhaps an
honest appraisal of their relationship is all that is needed.

Rabbi Chaim Binyamin Goldberg writes in "Mourning in Halacha" (ArtScroll)
15:4 -

"If one was in disharmony with his wife and intended to divorce her, but
before he did so she died, some rule that he is not obligated to mourn for
her. But others disagree. [Chiddushei R' Akiva Eiger (loc. cit.); Yeshuos
Yaakov, Even HaEzer 4:subfootnote 8]"

(I presume that R' Akiva Eiger is the meikil here, and the Yeshuos Yaakov
is the machmir. Unfortunately, it's not clear to me where the "loc.cit." is
referring to.)

It seems to me that RMYG's case of Heter Meah Rabanim is a kal vachomer for
the R' Akiva Eiger, inasmuch as he not only *intended* to divorce her, but
went the extra step of writing a get pending her acceptance of it.

It would be fascinating to see this RAE inside, to see his logic and what
other cases it might apply to. Several posters in this thread have
commented that Kibud Av v'Em might apply even to abusive situations, but I
have trouble understanding why that would apply to spouses.

I am not the first person who ever gave a "Mazel Tov!" to someone who
escaped from a bad relationship, and I wonder why the Yeshuos Yaakov would
obligate someone to mourn the death.

Akiva Miller
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