[Avodah] Mourning an Abusive Parent

[Zev Sero via Avodah]

On 31/08/16 01:42, Aryeh Frimer via Avodah wrote:
> An individual guilty of such a crime is certainly way beyond the
> pale, and certainly falls into the category of those who "deviate
> from the practices of the community." To our mind, the author's
> suggestion, that the actions included in this category must be "done
> deliberately to outrage the community" (/The Mind/, p. 87), is
> creative - but without basis and support.

Lich'orah "poresh midarchei tzibur" by definition can only apply to
devarim shebefarhesia, not to matters that one would expect the tzibur
not to know about.


> (2) The author cites R. Shabbetai haKohen (/YD/, 240:18, no. 20) who
> maintains that while one is not obligated to honor an evil parent,
> one may not cause them anguish. This is indeed an important argument
> when discussing the parameters of counseling an abused individual
> while the parent is still alive. These parameters are indeed
> discussed by the author and other scholars at length.[4]
> However, once the unrepentant sexually abusive parent has passed
> away, I find it hard to accept the suggestion that this could be an
> argument against abstaining from mourning him/her.

What is the difference between before and after death?  I would expect
to hear such an argument from one who doesn't believe in hash'aras hanefesh,
or from one who believes that death immediately removes one from all contact
with this world, so that the dead don't care about what happens here.  But
AFAIK it's standard Jewish belief that the dead, especially the recently
dead, care very much about what's happening to their bodies, and about their
postmortem reputations.  Thus the prohibitions  on nivul hameis, on moving
bodies, and on defaming the dead.

OTOH this could lead to another consideration: If the child wishes to
subject the parent to the anguish of being unmourned, not out of anger
but out of love, so that the parent should have a kaparah, that would
be a reason to permit it.

-- 
Zev Sero               Meaningless combinations of words do not acquire
zev at sero.name          meaning merely by appending them to the two other
                        words `God can'.  Nonsense remains nonsense, even
                        when we talk it about God.   -- C S Lewis