[Avodah] drinking and getting married on Purim

[Micha Berger]

On Wed, Mar 07, 2012 at 01:22:41PM +0000, kennethgmiller at juno.com wrote:
: I also remember another couple, around the same time, who got married
: early Erev Shabbos afternoon, and the seudah was the regular Shabbos
: dinner at the yeshiva that evening. I remember hearing that that was
: done specifically because they could not afford anything bigger...

This was minhag Ashkenaz, from at least the early Tosafists through
the Rama, and for the same reason. Making a chasunah meant saving the
cost of Fri night dinner for everyone in town. Se'udah was on Shabbos,
and sometimes they hired nakhri musicians.

As RAZZ writes <http://www.ou.org/index.php/jewish_action/article/9224>:
    Fear of Shabbat desecration led to a debate regarding Friday weddings
    (SA EH 64:3), and Rambam (Hilchot Ishut 10:14) forbids all Friday
    and Sunday weddings. But he is in a distinct minority. Tosafot
    (Ketubot 7a, s.v., vehilchato) says that in practice there is no
    concern about Shabbat desecration as regards a Friday wedding,
    and Rif, Rosh and Tur all concur (EH 64; Beit Yosef EH 64). Even
    though this concern is mentioned in the Talmud, Friday afternoon
    weddings became the norm in Eastern Europe throughout much of
    the last millennium because it allowed one to combine the wedding
    feast with a Shabbat meal, thus obviating the need for a separate,
    elaborate wedding banquet (Beit Yosef, EH 64; Drisha EH 64:2). [10]
    This practice was obviously beneficial to the poor. Explaining the
    custom practiced in his time, the Aruch Hashulchan (EH 64:11) states
    that in the time of the Gemara, it was the chatan's responsibility to
    prepare for the wedding, while in his time it was the kallah's. The
    Talmud was concerned that a chatan might inadvertently desecrate
    Shabbat while being overly zealous in his efforts to prepare for the
    wedding, in an attempt to please his kallah, who may be particular
    about these matters. Nowadays, writes the Aruch Hashulchan, when
    the kallah takes responsibility for the preparations, we are less
    concerned about chillul Shabbat since she is aware that in general
    a chatan is not that particular about these matters.

    There are also midrashic and kabbalistic sources in favor of Friday
    weddings, such as the Arizal's claim that Yaakov Avinu's weddings
    took place on Friday, and the observation of the Yafeh Lalev that
    the world's first wedding, that of Adam and Chavah, occurred on
    a Friday. Rema notes that the primary reason for permitting Friday
    weddings is due to the rampant poverty that Jews experience in exile,
    which prevents many from making weddings on other days. Rema's
    reasoning would probably not apply in most cases today, and thus
    Friday weddings are no longer popular.

    ...
    [10] See, however, Ramban's general hesitations regarding Friday
    weddings (Beit Yosef EH 64) and Mishnah Berurah 339:19), and of
    the Aruch Hashulchan (EH 64:11) regarding weddings on short winter
    Fridays. According to the biography written by their children and
    grandchildren (Iggerot Moshe 8 (5756), 39), Rav Moshe and Rebbetzin
    Sima Feinstein were married on erev Shabbat, parashat Naso, Sivan
    13, 5682 (June 9, 1922). They parenthetically note that erev Shabbat
    weddings were the norm and that there were three weddings in their
    grandparents' small town that Friday since it was the first Friday
    after Shavuot.

In fact, one time a yesomah's wedding ran late and it was nightfall before
everyone was there. The Rama (Shu"t 125 [some have it as 124], OC 339:4)
permitted a Shabbos wedding under these circumstances, or in the common
case of a man who hasn't yet been married nor fulfilled pirya verivya.
And so the Rama was mesader qiddushin at that wedding on Shabbos. This
became a cause celebre, and as a result of the debate, the Krakow
rabbinate banned Fri weddings so as to avoid this running late problem.

Tir'u baTov!
-Micha

-- 
Micha Berger             If a person does not recognize one's own worth,
micha at aishdas.org        how can he appreciate the worth of another?
http://www.aishdas.org             - Rabbi Yaakov Yosef of Polnoye,
Fax: (270) 514-1507                  author of Toldos Yaakov Yosef